I knew a sad boy

I knew a sad boy who came to me and said: 

Ah she is repelled by  me - she detest me. But she thinks not of me so how can that be hate? It is apathy which is worse than hostility. But it is not even that. It is an outright abomination. An humiliating pity. Life is life which gives sour medicine - I desire to laugh and thrust it off for I will not be hung up on a woman’s amen. Goodbye my love, you were only my love in my head - goodbye my grief-stricken song I will sing you no more.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy

 I knew a sad boy who came to me and said 

Is she my cross to bear? To carry to the hills of Golgotha, and lay to rest. But she is no sin nor vice nor a temptation but a delight I cannot have. It seems my head will explode with the constant thoughts of all of her ways. Oh how her beauty has impressed itself on me, dear God let me have her or cease my desires. She is ten leagues above me, am I destined to enjoy her from afar. 

K.Oni

I see every night

 I knew a sad boy who came to me and said:

Dear sir, I am intoxicated
My mama wants me to marry
But I have tried.
The girl that I love
She doesn't want me 
So what am I to do?
Every night I write to her 
No response,
She is a dream
I see every night.
I pray to God 
But the Christ 
Has a different leaning.
Will I end up alone
Or marry a chick I ain't feeling?
What am I to do
I am on my knees pleading.
If you can, dear Lord
Please make her willing.
I don't know why I care so much
I picture her lips kissing me.
Is this the drink
Or true feelings that I am feeling?
The girls are scarce
I've met her once 
From my memory, she ain't leaving. 
Help me stay true
I love you Lord more than anything.
I keep searching
But all I am asking is for her to love me.
If this ain't meant to be
My heart breaks into a million pieces.
Let me love another 
The new testament is the covenant I am keeping.
I have got a few dates
Let them replace this anguishing feeling.
Your love is what I love
I` love you Lord 
And that will Last till eternity. 

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy

 I knew a sad boy who came to me and said: Every lady that has passed me by or given me up has been wise, yea wise for I should have caused them a great ruin. Even my mother gave me up, and all of my sisters and nieces. They all gave me up and yet I own no bitter hate towards them but from this unbreachable distance do wish them well. 

K.Oni

I knew a boy

 I knew a boy who wanted to die
So he went to war,
Asked his commander where the thickest battle was,
He was first to charge,
But he killed all his enemies,
Fell on his knees and sighed in misery,
They hailed him as a hero,
He collected five medals, his mother smiled,
The world said a brave soldier before our eyes,
The boy declined and went to find other ways to fight to die
He succeeded, he became one of the greats
A Hercules. Now his face is on the rock,
Fifty more medals, they crowned him king
Led his nation to a grand prosperity
Got married, had one wife and five kids.
They loved him dearly, but all the while
He wished he could pass and be at peace.
At ninety-nine, already lost his wife to a happy death
He didn't cry but sighed and wished that it was him,
Every night he dreamt of when the morning would no longer be in his sight
It never came, Now at 120 years, he remembers all his friends that passed away.
Most had Post-traumatic stress, but he had none 
No disease, no ache, no depression,
He often preached, but never told of his deep wish to die to be at peace,
But there was no anguish just this only steady dream. 

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy

I knew a sad boy who loved a girl and she broke him. He needed a friend but there was no one else to attach his soul to. He did not foresee the depths of the ache, so he feels he is doomed. He feels ashamed in front of others - perhaps today he has reached his limit. I reached out to him but he sighed in utter despair. In the end, I left him with some food and money and told him I would come again next week. 

K.Oni

I Knew a sad boy

I knew a sad boy who a long time ago owed a few people money in the house that he lived in. It was really unfortunate for him but he had to move out because he could no longer afford the rent and worse still he owed a few months. When he moved out he met with one of his old housemates to talk about how he would pay back what he owed and he believed that there was a plan and that he stuck to it for a while even though the amount was very small. Now when he thinks back he can't seem to forgive himself for doing such a thing because he can't remember if he broke his payment or they said that he didn't have to pay it anymore. Ever since then he has been miserable and dare not reach out to his old friends due to shame. He was a proud boy and yet wanted the world to see that deep down he was a good boy. I told him to reach out to his old friends and seeing that they were of good nature would either totally forgive him if they haven't done so already. And if they decided to punish him the boy said that he would gladly accept it. But the poor boy shook his head and rather said that he will leave their meeting to chance. He was very proud and each day that he didn't reach out, his sadness grew larger.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy

I knew a sad boy who didn't think much of himself or of anything else. He was aloof of this life and wondered why he existed at all. He could think of Hume's argument of only relying on the five senses and then he would think about Kant's thoughts that we can't really know anything of the outside world. He would sigh under the lovely blue sky that always welcomed the sun in the day. He would look around and often wondered if others saw the vanity of all things. It is a sad thing that something exists rather than nothing. It was better for nothing to have always been than something because he would not have to dwell in his vanity. 

He was very sad indeed and I counselled him many a time that God exists by necessity. He saw the good in my argument and was convinced by its logic and necessity but he could not bring himself to believe it because he had abandoned the pursuit of truth and rather loved his preference of being miserable. His case was of the man who acts according to his taste rather than what is objectively true. 

K.Oni

I knew a boy who thought he was God's prophet

I knew a boy who was thinking long into the night. He told himself that "when I awake, I'm going to be God's prophet". He decided this because his country was going through great peril and many people were living in fear of death. He believed before that many did fear death but only when they were about to die. But many were now living in fear of death which was a terrible thing to him as well as to the welfare of his nation. Because of this drastic fear, there were measures put in place by the government and the people to protect themselves from their current crisis. But things did not improve, it only got worse.

So the boy thought that He would be a prophet and preach to the people to inform them that their calamity is a sign from God and that they needed to repent of their sins. He thought that if he preached this and the people did repent then perhaps, the crisis would go away and people will be delivered from their fear of death for that was what he was most concerned about. For even though the crisis had taken a lot away, yet the boy himself did not fear death and wondered why many could not be like him.

Although the boy did not really know if this was a punishment from God, or even more that he himself was a prophet because there was no calling from God, only his own desire that he ought to be one. He took it upon himself to be God's prophet and prayed for forgiveness if God is offended by this because he believed that his actions flow from a pure stream.

When the boy did wake, he did as he desired. He went up on a hill and started to preach. He preached with his whole heart and many gathered to hear what he had to say. He beseeched the people with great earnestness pointing them to the book that had said that all this calamity would take place if the people should turn away from God. Many listened intently and a few stayed long into the night deciding right there to be his disciple.

The boy's movement gathered momentum and in time his message penetrated the heart of the ordinary folks as well as the rich. Everyone in the city eventually came out of their house no longer fearing death. Every knee was bowed and every mouth knew at least five or more hymns. The darkness lifted away from the city and the crisis ceased. The town grew prosperous and the boy was hailed as a hero and a great prophet. But the boy throughout his life always wondered if he really was God's prophet. Throughout his prayers, he always apologized to God that he took it upon himself to act out the role of His prophet and prayed that when they meet face to face that God would have mercy on him if he had acted presumptuously.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy who was always rejected

I knew a boy who came one night and fell at my feet. He almost cried the night away. I asked him what was wrong and he said:

"Sir, all my life I have been rejected. My parents gave me up for adoption when I was born and none would take me except this lady who lived not too far from here. But as I grew up, I saw that she hated me and soon learned that she took me in because the stat was giving her some money. She never loved me and last night she said to me, that each day she prayed that I perish. O the misery sir but that is not the worst of it. For there is one girl whom I loved with all of my heart because all of my life I have felt alone. But then she came along and for the first time I had a friend who filled the emptiness in my heart. She was angelic, golden and tasteful. I loved her dearly and believed entirely that she cared for me. Alas, she too was using me and never cared for me. Last night she unloaded on me how I was nothing but trash and that she had been using me because she felt lonely and bitter. I was always a dark moon to her. Then she told me that a man has come into her life with great sunshine, a sunshine that I could never have and then spat in my face. Dear Sir I cried and I am crying still! Help me do away with this heaviness that dwells in my belly. I cannot eat nor sleep. I am truly a child of rejection. Even the world rejects me. If this feeling continues I fear dear Sir that I should do away with myself and enter the realm of forgetfulness."

I looked at the boy with pity and told him that although the world rejects you, Christ and I welcome you. I told him to stay with me until his health his good and his heart recovers; but he fell down at my feet and wished that he was already dead on the  account of her.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy who lived his life defeated.

I knew a sad boy who lived his life defeated. His head and heart were always down. I asked him why he lived this way and he told me:

"Good sir, I am defeated! Unrequited love has defeated me. She has subdued me, that now all my passion for life is dead! I have in my heart this constant ache, this uneasiness in my stomach. Because of this I feel worthless, and this feeling of worthlessness leads to my uselessness. Oh pity me sir! I have drowned in her love, that love which shall never kiss me back.

I am lost in the terror of the black night. I cannot sleep! She is happy which cannot make me happy because it is not with me. O how cruel is fate! I wish we never met. I wish I never was. I wish I slept with yesterday for yesterday never wakes. O help me sir!"

"Poor boy, I can only help if you will heed my counsel."

But his ears were deaf to all voices save hers. In the end he departed in the same condition that he came in. I advised him to come by each day but I fear his agony may become too much for him.

I knew a sad boy: my despair is permanent

I knew a sad boy who said to me,
"Sir, I do believe that my despair will be permanent. Perhaps your sun bright light of hope will carry me home. That is to heaven, to leave here, to leave this ever present darkness in my heart."

He said this with the most uncomfortable smile. I pitied the boy but could not help him at all, only to sit with him and pray.

K.oni

I knew a sad boy: No where to go with his life

I knew a very sad boy who told me that he had no where to go with his life, that there was no future for him. His brown eyes was continually teary even at the best of times. He told me,

"Sir, I have nowhere to go with my life. I just want to die, halt my step and be deceased. For I am a disease, unwanted and unloved. One person said that I was a poison and the other that I had something missing which I could never give. Many others looked at me with eyes of scorn, labelling me a scum. O sir, my heart is sensitive, and those with whom I have built my hopes have taken a hammer in good cheer and happily broken my home. O what to do sir! I have no hate for them in my heart for I am all those things, vile and evil. I believe as they have said that I could never make anyone happy, and what is living if those that I want to make happy can never be happy with me? One time, I saw in her eyes utter disgust for me, as if I was a filthy stain in her life, an hindrance to her happiness and I saw in his eyes deep anger and bitterness. O Sir, in my heart I feel that I have only done good, but my good is bad, and therefore I ought to perish immediately and kiss this world goodbye. In as much as I wish this feeling to go away, that is the feeling of remembering her, and of them accepting me, this feeling persists and each day rises to new heights that makes me stumble because of the heartache. O sir, my hope is hopeless."

I looked lovingly on the sad boy and pitied him. I wish I could remedy his case, but he was so far gone that I fear in the coming days that I should be summoned to bury him. His case is beyond earth and heaven, only divine hands can change his heart, but also her whom he so loved. Only if she would remain his friend and give him hope, but such is the case with our free-will that no matter how one hopes, it has no affect at all to change a person's affection. Only God can do that.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy: whose heart ached from a severe lack of compliments and affirmation

I knew a sad boy whose heart ached from a severe lack of compliments and affirmation. When he overlooked his life, that his to trace all of his memories, he could never remember a time when anybody said anything good about him. He did many a good things but no one acknowledged him, and deep into the night, when the stars themselves begin to shut their eyes, the poor sad boy would cry, saying: 'O for someone to say that I mean the world to them, or that I am lovely.'

But no one ever paid him such words, and worst of all, he could never buy it.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy who was very lonely

I knew a boy who was very sad because he was lonely. He was so lonely that the loneliness often made him shiver, as if he was out naked in the bitter cold. Often in his loneliness, he would ask himself this question. 'What is the point of living? Nobody cares; and a certain person whom I admire very much cares not for me either'. He would sigh each night, wishing he had the strength to take himself away into that other dimension where all is silent. But each morning he wakes up alone, and do all things alone. And even though he works and smiles, yet it was all a cover to hide his deep dark loneliness. Nothing could fill it but one thing, but that thing was never going to be. The boy is indeed a very miserable boy, and he fears, no, he knows that he will spend the new year all alone. Such a terrible thing that is, that I told him at once to come and spend it with me. With a great sigh he accepted but said that he would not be a great company, because his heart will be somewhere else. The boy confessed that his heart was always at that somewhere, or rather with that someone.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy - Lost love

I knew a sad boy who unleashed some very sad words in verses on me. He bid me read and see his heart, how it breaks never to mend.

Now I know how Romeo felt

When his lover perceived her dead,

To die was better to live,

Sooner or later the anguish

Would his feelings kill to stone,

And live as if a dead man breathed

Passionless talk, thrill-less eyes

Better to poison oneself right now.

Some in marriage their walk does sing

And others for years enjoy their tune,

But mine quickly end,

where I wished forever and us would be friends.

O such feeling in my heart.

That my beloved has depart,

Forever I fear the dart of love

Hitting me to love again,

For doubt and fear shall reign in me

Reminding me of my beloveds leave.

O God once again I fail

This theme has now become my theme,

In darkness hide, my secrets keep

I never could with another live so deep,

And here I thought a ray of hope,

But wrong, spectacularly I fail again.

O invested time I wish to take,

To be Absent on that first night,

Where we made, sweet love

In kisses bright,

I wish I had never seen that light,

Then my heart wont be aching tight.

My first first love,

I wished would be my last last dove,

Now by Jove swore,

An eunuch to the last.

When my first first love

Another found strong,

Finding me weak,

Ticking our time done.

O for heaven to shine in me

But heaven forsaken by deeds I did,

That now forsaken, heart breaking, un-mending,

Heaven cannot shine,

The ache knows no decline.

It is true that one is blind to what they truly have till they have lost it. Now I in sorrow sit, weeping deep in my soul, never to love again, only to have it go to yonder hills, feeling dread inside. But only I to blame, when in full passion should have esteemed what I felt deep in my soul, and dare I not ask, not know, if it was because of another's drum that took her away, but God in his plans does know, that a heart broken will in the end bring forth a golden sunshine on my character, to care and have patience more.

I saw the tears in her eyes, like heavy clouds about to unleash a thunderstorm upon my anxious frail head. The feeling for long as overwhelmed her, that she no longer could bear the heavy waters beating on her banks. For me, no longer pity could keep at the expense of happiness, that I a must, must wound or perhaps kill, a price she is now for her joy willing to pay.  

K.Oni

I once knew a sad boy.

I once knew a sad boy who was indeed a very sorry sight. Not that he was ugly externally, but his life as a whole was a big joke. This is not my words to describe him but his very own. In his own eyes, he saw himself to be useless. And the same look which he gave himself (useless) he saw in other people's eyes. He had no where for a home and he is always here and there. He feels that he has become a burden to all and he just wants to fold up like a ball and go away.

I met up with him a couple of times and always tried to encourage him that he is of some earthly good. But he cannot believe it. At times he would look for hours at the stars wishing that he could join them up in the sky for they have a purpose. "That's where I belong uncle Kenny," he would often say. "I belong up there in the sky with the stars. Look how they shine!"

"You belong here," I would reply, but he would always go to sleep with a wormwood heart. And when he wakes, hopelessness fills his eyes.

Many sad boys I have met with but his case pains me. He would sigh and say to me, "Why uncle Kenny do I have this sinking feeling always in my stomach and I am always with an aching heart?"

And such was his day to day living. Such a sad boy.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy: His faith has gone astray

I knew a sad boy who a huge debt had to pay. Those he owe, their eyes could not look, for deep inside was shame within. That how such waves enveloped him, no reason could give and now on thin ice must tread till all is paid. But how, but how, the poor boy thought, schemes after schemes but none prevail. A job but all evaded him that now he thinks in sorrowful tone. Who this boy can help God knows. No friend in sight can make him their own, and when family apart, torn by length no where could look, save the thought of going away, to a place where prisoners are kept, or that to which no living could dwell. And worst of all, he feels depressed for all his faith has gone astray.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy: I am not hers

I once knew a sad boy who wrote down these words and gave it for me to read. He writes:

.... I am not hers but very jealous when she gives attention to other guys. I exclaimed in my soul, O she likes them very much and they like her very much. They shall soon be joined in happy matrimony and we shall not attend. We shall find a good reason to exclude ourselves and busy our bruised fancy with something of a similar kind. But O there is nothing similar to her, nothing at all. What shall be our comfort? Perhaps we are better off to wallow in our misfortune and caress our loss. But there’s no virtue in pity of this kind, none of it at all. 

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy - Sick of everything

I once knew a sad boy who was sick. He was sick of life. 
He was sick of living,
He was sick of breathing,
Sick of wanting,
Sick of seeing,
Sick of thinking,
And worst of all, he was sick of being. 

K.Oni