The Joy of confession 8

Sinner: It’s been a terrible week for me sir. I feel lost and trapped in this body of mine. I have no means to enjoy God because of my sins and when I am in such a state I fear for my fellow creatures because I withdraw to my self and care nothing of their concerns. Many may notice a change in my disposition which should be common to them now and some may enquire of my injury and with uncaring eyes I would easily dismiss them and draw to be alone. Oh but my heart is not happy, it is terribly sad and I wish not to stay like this. I feel myself not knowing who I am or who Christ is. I am gripped by fear that Christ has altogether grown weary of me and He has removed my lamp. The Father has altogether deserted me and the Spirit is silent and care not for my abominations any more. I feel wholly useless and among the saints I feel a filthy soul so I would avoid their meetings. Even so sir, I feel the terrible corruptions that feels me and many times I wish to discard myself from it but it seems to linger. This is the devils doing and mine, God has no part in it for He is a righteous being. I do not know what to do sir and I cannot leave the faith. It is impossible for me to do for I am drawn to Jesus and though the tempest blow yet the flame still remains although very faint and weary. I cannot live my existence like this sir, I need deliverance for I should die of sorrow and misery. Could mercy and grace be mine today or must I wait till my death? Will God punish me for my sins and for being a bad child? Oh if He does I hope He speaks to me for the silence I cannot stand. I would have him beat me and scourge me as long as I can hear His voice than for Him to be wholly silent leaving me to my own devices. I come here today sir that perhaps in this church He may speak to me.

Sir: Oh poor child, I feel your sorrow for it was once mine. You are engaged in a fierce battle of which your soul is so sensitive to sin and the devil knows your frame so He attacks you violently with his whole host so that you may be left crippled and feel yourself unable to walk for God. Only those with foreseeable great futures are attacked at such a level, those with dreams and visions, who without caring are destined to tear the devils kingdom that the devil attacks so vehemently. Many have fallen at his attacks but those who persevered have been the hallmark of the Christian faith, who carried a burning torch to the devil’s house and burnt his whole company setting the captives free. Such a future lies with you my friend, you are a remarkable soul my spirit tells me. You are to ride on a white horse with a glittering sword, advancing deeply to the enemies camp, slicing through the barricades of lies and setting many a soul free. Those who are held by sickness and death will live by your hands for the Lord has given you such a gift but it is wholly at your will to live. You must my friend with all passion continue to fight and not give up, for you have lost hope. You have lost hope in His mercy, you have lost hope in His grace and above all you have lost hope in his love.

Tell me my friend, when did Christ died for you? Was it when you was saved and began to live a holy life or was it when you was still in the devil’s camp?

Sinner: It was when I was in the devil’s camp before I was born sir. And indeed I have lost hope in his mercy, grace and Love. That is unwise of me for the scripture tells me that his love is unfailing and who am I to disbelieve such affirmations of scripture.

Sir: You are a wise soul my child. Believe today once again in His unfailing unconditional love for you. No sin could separate you from His love but sin may cripple your feet. Today the Lord has forgiven you, the Father has welcomed you back and the Spirit has arisen from His sleep. Sin no more for you are to sensitive a soul and when you sin, repent and trust in the forgiveness that is found in Jesus for it is for you. Your future bears a wonderful song and you are to sing it, make sure your throats are clear and have no hindrances at your feet for the Father has called you to a mission, a mission that will impact the whole earth.

(The sinner went home rejoicing in God, delighting in His messiah and dancing once again with the Holy Spirit).

K.Oni