The Joy of confession: No good for God

A poor sinner once wrote to his preacher with these words:

Dear Sir, Someone always told me to look where I want to go. But the question is where do I want to go. I know as a christian the answer is I want to go to Jesus. I should look to Jesus. But do I really want to go there. In my more spiritual time, when I had little of the world in me, and I had the beauty of Jesus in my soul, my answer would have been I want to look to Jesus to be exactly like him. To go where he is. But now, I have nothing but sadness in my heart because of my sins. Jesus is far gone from my sight and I am really apprehensive to go where he is because he might say to me those terrible words, 'depart from me ye cursed of my father.' I tell you Sir that I am worse than those who have been diagnosed with depression, for mine is a spiritual depression, a long recession in God's economy. But I do have those moments when I see sunshine through the small holes of my prison. At times, a little rain simmers through and I have a little hope again. But it does not last because I am the kind who has a weak will. Who is no good for the world. Yea, I am no good for the world because I am not good for God. These are really sad words that I am writing, but it all flows from my heart. From a depressed dead heart. I do have debts to pay, many of them owed in love but in my current condition I do not know how to go about it. O for pity Sir, for heaven to remember me. Do write to me soon Sir on how to be encourage again. 

From one whose name not worthy to be mentioned
A fallen saint.


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