Friday, 30 August 2013

A question

Here is a question. Suppose humans live to be a thousand years old, and a man commits murder. When sentenced would it still be right to give him life in jail, taking into account that the one who died can in no way come back to life?

K.Oni

Miscellanies 87: I hate myself

I hate myself because of my sins. The reason for this is because my sins takes me away from that original image in which I was created. For you see dear reader, man was originally good and was to have about his character and nature all those loveliness normally attributed to the deity, or we can say, those fruits that grows and falls off from the wings of the Spirit. Man was created to be full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and purity. This was to be the distinct mark of mankind when angels come to visit the earth. Tell me dear reader, which country has set up laws against these divine melodies? If there is such a country, then I believe that its head of state is in conjugal with the devil. For you see beloved reader, that against these things there is no law against them in heaven, nor should there be on earth.

And it is why I hate myself so much, for in me is found many things which are the exact opposite of those divine melodies. It is ever present in my bosom and it is deep in my heart that it brings me much sorrow and despair. At times in the late evenings or early mornings, I would mourn over my sins, yea over the sins of my soul, declaring to leave them on the shores of today's banks so that when the sweetness of tomorrow arrives on the wings of the blazing sun, I shall be free from them. But nay, it never happens as I imagine, for when tomorrow disembarks, I am still with my old sins, although some of them I have left behind on the shores of yesterday.

And so I hate myself in regards to the veracity that I am still with my old sins and still found to slip under old temptations. It is indeed as that famed Apostle said, namely 'what a wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?'

I believe that this is the cry of many who are under the bondage of some kind of sinful activity. Even those who are not and have been set free from the power of sin, yet if they have any trueness about them, they too long for that day when there shall be no more sin found in them. Do not misread me in calculating or attributing that in me saying that I hate myself is equal to me saying that I have no worth. Far from that dear reader. I and you have infinite worth because of Him who declared our worth because we were made in his image. And even though we have so fallen, almost to the same depth as Lucifer, yet your image is a man, and as man created in his image I am to treat you.

So I do hate myself and it is because of my sins. This is the fight that wearies my soul, that makes me shrink back from humanity, that brings me many discouragement, and at times tempted to go the way of Judas. Our sins is the reason why there is much conflict in the world, why some despots would use chemicals on their own civilians. It is a terrible shame, an un-glory to God that mankind has fallen far from those divine melodies and now their tune is sour to the ears of God and angels and animals.

There are those who hate themselves because of their looks. O what nonsense! Do not hate yourself for that which you cannot change. Your appearance is not your worth. But if you are to have something against yourself, mourn over your sins. Yea, those things which have slung you far away from God's throne. Mourn over that and do it godly. For Godly sorrow brings one to repentance. But if you are found to be one who hate yourself because of your appearance, then I do have a bottomless well of mercy for you. And if you are depressed because of some sort of reason other than your sin, then I do have a heaven of pity for you. And if it is because of your sins that you terribly hate yourself, then there is nothing I can do for you other than to point you to him who is the outstanding physician that deals with the ails of sinners. He has the exact medicine to give their illness. And to him I direct you, namely to Jesus Christ who is known as the friends of sinners.

The only redeeming instrument is Jesus Christ. And because of him and his righteousness, I can love myself with all the love in the world. Go to him now. It is cross that always separates you from your sins. Yea, from the guilt and the condemnation.

K.Oni

Thursday, 29 August 2013

I be a fool to let you pass

I be a fool to let you pass
for one who cares much about my heart.

In all stormy seasons 
She would by me halt her steps. 

And when age weakens her flesh and blood
Yet, ticking time ripens her attachment more.

I be a fool to let you pass
And A folly I did, expiring our paths.

K.Oni


Wednesday, 28 August 2013

He shall direct your wandering feet

Do you feel your legs to wander? Do you feel your pilgrim feet to wander towards the vanity fair? For in that circus is contained all of your former lust. Your eyes clearly see the old lust of your heart, and the big pride of your mind in full satisfaction of their current condition. They see you too and call out to you.
"O forget that old dusty religion - you love holiness too much and besides it is too hard. You are only causing yourself unwanted sorrow by trying to keep on the narrow road. It is too difficult for the best of men let alone you, who are but mere ordinary. Cast off the heavy chains of righteousness and live as free as you were of old. See us all here, we live and let live. We have no guilt except for the worst of offenders such as murder and rape. Those are the extremes but in everything else there is no law. We can sleep around and gamble to our hearts content. We can lie and cheat and marry our own gender. We can do this because we are free of those old ancient laws. O you were once part of us and can you not see that it is a carnival today. We can dance in a dirty way without the slightest guilt. But you, poor you are still weighed down by the law. O it is you that is in chain and not us. We live our lives to the full. Come and return to your old vomit, pick up your old shovel and dig your grave for after-all there is only a heaven for us all," said his old heart.

O do you feel your legs to give in to those old temptations. Is their call ever drawing you in? O you long for that old sweetness but at the same time you know it is wrong. What a battle that happens in the spirit of a saint. There, is the battle between the Spirit and the flesh. O do you see yourself tempted to go back?

Where is your heart now? In what camp is she devoted? Are you divided in yourself? Do you want the world or the Lord? O I know what you will say. You will tell me that you want the Lord but you find yourself too weak. Your feet keeps wandering away from the narrow road and thus find no happiness nor rain of blessing to fall from heaven. It is hard you say, very hard. And so it is. For unless you are willing to take out one of your eyes to fight away your lust then you have not commenced the battle.

I have only this to say to you in encouragement, namely that no temptation has overtaken you except that which is common to mankind. The only difference is, is that you know the sting of it. You know the hurtfulness of it, yet you are drawn towards it as the thirsty man for the clear springs. O I have this to say to you. Have you forgotten him who points the clouds to their course, whom the winds and seas obey, O do you remember him. For if you do then he shall direct your wandering feet, He will prepare your way. Only trusts in him and give him all of your cares!

O, get on your knees now if truly you have desperation in your heart, if truly you desire for your legs to wander back to the narrow road, if truly you want the heavenly joy, pray now that God, my Father, please, please for all the goodness of your Son, direct my wandering feet back to thee.

K.Oni

Monday, 26 August 2013

I speak, therefore I am?

I speak, therefore I am?

"Silence is golden," declared the Tremeloes in their 1967 number one hit. It's advice that Nigella Lawson appears to have heeded well in the aftermath of the sad demise of her marriage, but Chris Bryant perhaps slightly less so in the debacle of his comments on the employment practices of high street names such as Tesco or Next – who turned out to be not quite the villains he had initially suggested they might be in his leaked immigration speech.

His boss, Ed Milliband, however, has run into stormy waters this week because he appears to embrace the advice, so that there has been a deafening silence from him in terms of strategies, leading to growing internal criticism about his apparent failure to offer effective leadership.

In a world where news is constantly on tap and available immediately from anywhere around the globe, there is an ever-present pressure to say something – I speak, therefore I am. It can be seen in the reluctance to switch off emails while on holiday (I'm guilty as charged!) or the need to keep in touch with the office – if we are not heard then our fear can be that others may forget we exist.

But are there times when silence may not be so golden? Whatever the rights and wrongs of the two girls caught smuggling drugs in Peru, the publicity surrounding their arrest turns the spotlight on them, and the conditions in which they are likely to be held. Whether or not that will help them remains to be seen – but there is no doubt that, for them, as well as for countless others who face poverty, brutality, and oppression (whether as individuals taken as hostages, or as part of people groups caught up in the horrors of places such as Egypt or Syria), silence is far from golden.

For us not to speak out is to leave them feeling that no one cares, no one has any interest in them. So sometimes we are faced with the necessity of opening our mouths, maybe at times when we would rather remain silent, in order that injustice might be opposed.

Ecclesiastes reminds us there is a time to be silent and a time to speak. The challenge can be to discern which time is which, and then to respond appropriately. We may find help in James's exhortation to be quick to listen and slow to speak. Our staff team, working our way through Psalm 119 this week in our daily prayer time, are discovering afresh the love that the Psalmist had for God's word, which clearly arose from time spent marinating in the commands, the decrees, the truth that he found there – but which also enabled him to speak with wisdom and clarity as he understood the purposes of God in each situation. Maybe it is worth taking a leaf out of his book, as we patiently learn to discern God's voice among the myriad siren sounds that swirl around so that, when we do speak, we have something of worth to say.

Rev Mike Talbot is vicar of Emmanuel Church Northwood and chair of Evangelical Alliance board

Sunday, 25 August 2013

I dare not trust my sweetest frame

O I dare not trust my sweetest frame, that is, all those worldly colours that makes me appear exceedingly beautiful in the eyes of men. Nay, I dare not sleep upon them as my security. For when the relenting waves of death rushes upon my banks, it shall sweep all those frames away without care nor pity. Therefore, my trust shall be in this alone, namely the righteousness of Christ. Death cannot overcome it. 

K.Oni

What a lovely voice

O I once heard one who sang with the loveliest voice I had ever heard. I bid her with all the flowery fragrance of my heart for her to keep on singing and never to stop, for my heart would never tire to hear such serenity, such loveliness. And she sings of him who is the sum of all beauty, namely Christ, she sings of of his beauty which all the more increases my pleasure. I would have her by me at all times especially in those sad seasons where my heart aches with emptiness. For in her singing and in my enjoying her voice, God is glorified. What a lovely voice! Have you ever heard one with such a lovely voice? I have, I have. And I could almost take an oath, that in heaven God shall call her to the centre of the new Jerusalem and bid the seraphs to strike the strings of their lyre and call attention to everyone to take a pause of their duties to listen to the one who had a lovely voice on earth that so pleased my ears.

K.Oni

Don't save your worries for me

video

K.Oni

What is a life to live

What is a life to live - a life where life breathes, where my eyes see, and my mouth speaks?
What is a life to live - free from the ache of self and the theft of tears?
What is a life to live - a life where I be what I need, no waste but always a friendly taste?~
What is a life to live - for this life at hand is miserable to me,  I live in despair of my next step.

K.Oni

Monday, 19 August 2013

The power of words

"Do not revile the king even in your thoughts, or curse the rich in your bedroom, because a bird in the sky may carry your words, and a bird on the wing may report what you say" (Ecclesiastes 10:20).

I'm guessing that you don’t think about Folkestone that often. In the past, you might have driven through it to the ferry; nowadays you’re more likely to have been under it on a train. But a recent item in the local news has "prompted a storm of protests" and raised some interesting points.

Apparently celeb fashion designer Karen Millen tweeted that she didn’t think the regeneration of the town would happen in her lifetime. This touched a raw nerve, since Folkestone has been talking about a Cardiff Bay-style regeneration scheme for as long as most people can remember, and many would agree with her sorrow that nothing seems to be happening about it all.

The "storm of protests" from those who heard her "damaging the reputation of Folkestone" have led to her apologising for her comments. But of course by now the damage has been done, and I'm sure you now have an even lower opinion of Folkestone than you might have had before you read this.

This is not the first story of someone famous having to withdraw and apologise for comments on social media, and it reinforces the message of James, who, had he lived in more technologically enlightened times, might have written: ‘All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the keyboard. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.’

We all have things we wish we had never said, but we now live in a world where ‘birds in the sky’ can literally carry our words to millions.

I think two important points come out of this. The first is that whatever you say there will be someone who will be upset by it, often in an irrational way. In fact Ms Millen’s tweet expressed her sadness at what she feels is a lack of regeneration progress, but some of the good burghers of our fine town could only hear it as a damaging slight on the place they love. The world is full of people who will take our comments the wrong way, whatever we say.

As a preacher I know that only too well. And of course once the words have left our mouths or our hard drives we can’t suck them back again. In our world, attempts to explain what we really meant usually fall on deaf ears: the damage has been done, whether we intended it as damage or not.

Second, this story really does reinforce the need to be careful about what we say, through whatever media we may say it. James is not the only biblical writer to urge great care in what we say. Jesus himself taught us that all kinds of evil come from within us, and Christian maturity is partly about gaining the wisdom to know when to speak (or tweet), and when to suck it up and be quiet. And, given the first point above, that whatever we say is likely to upset someone, there is extra need to be cautious and careful.

Christians in my experience give quite a lot of attention to how they behave: too seldom do I hear the Psalmist’s prayer: "Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips" (Psalm 141:3).

John Leach is about to start as tutor in liturgy at St John’s Theological College in Nottingham

Friday, 16 August 2013

The joy of confession - Nothing at all to give

Sinner: The truth is sir, I don't think I have anything to give. Nothing for people and nothing for myself. I am nothing extraordinary, no talent no nothings. So it is better for me to not say much at all. To offer up no advise, no opinions nothing at all. I only do those things which are necessary. People may think ill of me that perhaps I do not care, which maybe true but the truth of it is, is that I sincerely believe that I have nothing to offer. I have nothing to offer to any friendship, nor to any love. To seek things from me is but vain. But I do try at times but still my step because I believe that they care not either. That is, they care not for me and I do not want to be hurt so I must stay away. Besides I have never succeeded in anything sir. I simply have nothing to give.

Sir: Boy you say you have nothing to give - but you can give yourself can you not. And have you spoken this with people. I fear that you have not and have only built up these conclusions in your imaginations. But you do have a talent. We all have a talent and you are not to bury it.

Thursday, 8 August 2013

Miscellanies 86 : Loose your life to find it

W h o e v e r    f i n d s    h i s  l i f e ,  t h a t    i s ,  i f    y o u  f i n d    y o u r    l i f e    i n    m o n e y ,    f a m i l y ,    s e x ,  j u s t i c e ,    w i c k e d n e s s ,  p l e a s u r e ,  a n d    e t c ,       i n   t h e    e n d  y o u    w i l l    l o o s e    i t .  F o r    a l l    o f    t h e s e  t h i n g s   w i l l    p e r i s h .  B u t    i f  y o u    l o o s e    y o u r  l i f e , t h a t    i s ,  f o r a s k e    f i n d i n g       y o u r    l i f e    i n    t h e s e    t h i n g s , b u t    l o o s e  i t  f o r    t h e    s a k e  o f             C h r i s t ,    t h a  t i s ,    c o u n t i n g    J e s u s    a s  b e i n g    m o r e    w o r t h y  a n d    d e s e r v i n g    t h a n    t h e s e    o t h e r  t h i n g s ,  l i k e  t h e    a p o s t l e ,                  c o u n t i n g    i t    a l l    a s  d u n g ,    t h e n  y o u  w i l l    f i n d    y o u r  l i f e                b e c a u s e    J e s u s  i s    t h e    s o u r c e    o f    l i f e .  H e  i s    t h e  l i f e  g i v e r.

K.Oni

Wednesday, 7 August 2013

The writings of Sunny Caanne

Dear dear Sunny,

                      Read the somber pitch of my heart. One evening she did deliver me the news of that which I already knew, but rejected it although knowing it to be true, I rejected it until She declared it to me or I saw it with my own eyes. She came to me, sitting under the fire of my garden, scarcely looking into my eyes and told me that she was indeed to be wedded to another man. I took her confession as any good man should, that is with a congratulations and best wishes. But Sunny, my dear Caane, let me tell you the truthful tone of my heart that evening.

I wanted to say, who will I fall in love with now? In all honesty, I desire to fall in love with no one else and I pray the heavens that no one is in love with me. She is taken, gone like yesterday, falling into the arms of another. Where it not for my morals, I should still entertain the thoughts of having her, pursuing her till death embraces my desire. I would encourage adultery. But no. I must leave it. Perhaps in another universe, in another world where the sun does shine on me. Here it shines vainly. My portion now I fear is that of seclusion. I am settled to die an isolated death.

O do write back dear Sunny, better yet do come and see me. For other than necessary business, I desire no company but yours.

Your good honest Friend,

James Howly.

K.Oni

The School of Christ

I was taken to the school of Christ where I sat in the classroom of Paul the apostle and listened to his lecture on grace and on God’s sovereignty. I saw sitting with me that renowned Augustine and close by was Calvin and right at the front was Edwards with John Piper and R.C Sproul. The small figure spoke with light in his eyes as he dwelt on the effectual grace that had freed his heart from slavery. He spoke excitedly and then stopped to watch how the same light shone in the eyes of those who loved his Lord in the same manner. Then looking at me, he drew near and asked me a simple question. "For whom do we count it all as loss, dear boy?" Breathing in a short breath I said, "Saint Paul, it is Christ for whom we all count it all as loss. It is all for Christ." Behind me came a rousing voice delighting at my answer at which I turned to notice that it was no other than Spurgeon, that prince of preachers. Then to his left was seated one to whom pleasure and happiness was what he loved to ascribe to God's glory, namely C.S Lewis in as much as I have understood his writings. He glanced at me with a twinkle in his eyes ushering me to listen carefully on what the apostle was going to say next.

"Once upon a time," speaks the apostle, "We were all dead in our sins and transgressions. There was no life about our goodness. Our best work was filthy rags. If God was to commend men according to their walk in the manner of the flesh, then I was exceedingly beyond many in that world. Circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee;  as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless. But in all these I was following the course of this world, carrying out the desires of the body and mind, and was by nature a child of wrath. But God, o do not miss this sweet chord, But God - O I dare ask, who else but God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love which he had for us saved us. O and how great was that love? It is exceeding great that he called us his children. Such was the divine love and grace, that even when we were dead in our sins and trespass, he made us alive together with Christ, and raised us up with him, in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness towards us in Christ Jesus. O what a sweet tender love."

The apostle, now turning his sparkling eyes again towards me, asked me, "Dear boy, have we any reason to doubt God's love towards us? Have we any reason to doubt it in our worst sins?"

"No we have not" I said, "For it was in our sins and trespasses that he showed us his greatest mercy. He loved us when we were bad."

I noticed assuring smiles coming my way with many being pleased at my answer, and then I heard a familiar tune from one who sat just across me. He was repeating a part of a well known hymn. 'Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me, I was once lost, but then I was found, was blind but now I see."

Every one joined in and at this point a friendly arm came enthusiastically around my neck smiling ever so cheerfully to say that the man repeating those words was John Newton himself and that he himself was no other than William Wilberforce.

I saw many others in the room who counted themselves small in their own eyes and counted Christ as the chief end of their souls. They gladly spent for his sake. Every one sang jubilantly with Mr Bunyan reciting some parts of his pilgrim progress and tender Mr Loyd-Jones clapping his hands ecstatically. I watched this redeemed crowd and among them were names I had never heard of. Every one sang of the Father's amazing grace until a presence which we all felt made us all go quiet. I heard chattering voices coming from the hall and something in my heart began to burn. It appeared that the same was happening in everyone's heart. An awe filled us all and then I saw George Whitfield walk in in the most happy disposition, and behind him John the apostle, and then him who made us all bow in reverence. His light filled the room and at once he bid us all to rise and come with him as a friend would ask a friend.  

Then he walked towards me. My knees trembled. My heart paced as the raging sea fearing the condemnation that would come my way due to my lack of sufficiency and righteousness. In thinking this I caught the Apostles eye who had been speaking earlier on grace and mercy. At once I remembered that it was all of grace and that it was the blood of the lamb that stood before me that made me worthy. 

Them him who wore light as a garment touched my lips, smiling and said ever so sweetly and affirming to me. "My friend with you I am well pleased."

O what a happy day I thought. What a happy day. 

K.Oni


A defeated man

I live a defeated man, 
wrestled to the ground by hopelessness, 
seeing no victory near the far horizon, 
unwilling to awaken again my dreams, 
I’m just another failing man. 
Society and the church has thrown me out. 

K.Oni 

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

Still to me

She is still to me like refined gold, 
a fine sunshine after a hurricane, 
a pleasing sight, despite knowing that she is lost to me forever, 
yet at every sight of her I am lost in her beauty. 
O for grace to wean me away, what is in the end an appetite, 
that I shall never have. 
My beloved
 who never was mine, was another’s rich supper to enjoy. 
I know
 I shall never forget her.
                                 She shines bright in the sky 
                                and I am chained underneath this oak tree 
                                       shaded from her gleaming rays.  

K.Oni

In a city

In a city, 
where people live to be something that they cannot be, 
aspiring to dreams that they were never meant to reach, 
working for things they were never meant to hold, creates this picture, 
of a striving society, engulfed in debt, in loneliness, in single-mindedness,  
forgetting community, forgotten, to share a toast with their neighbor
  whom they have never met, although they have seen, yet they have never met. 
In a city, where lives only collide in the workplace, in stadiums,
but never in pubs, or places where they are not forced to interact,
unless they are already friends, or wearing the same flag t-shirt, 
then for that hour they meet, 
never exchanging hearts.
In a city, ran by a few with money to spare, 
not for a change for the man without a roof, 
but for their fellow peers
                                     who banks the country's checks. 
In a city, 
where there are many stories flickering,
but few displayed, selected to flash deliberately,
for the masses to willingly conform, forgetting their own uniqueness.
                        In a city, where God is almost dead, kindness is almost forgotten, 
love is almost imaginary,
 and patience is dying to breath, 
stands the old men, without a wise word for the youths, 
                 but a shaking of the head, remembering their bygone ways.
In a city, 
              Not I, but we can change?

K.Oni

The joy of confession: I have lost Jesus

Sinner: Dear Sir, O I have lost Jesus; but where have I lost him? I do not know for if I did know, I should have gone back to find him. It is like loosing one's keys. If one knew where they had lost it, they would soon go to the same place to find it there. But I have lost him I tell you, and I feel awful about it.

I fear I lost him because of my sins. O I know so. 

No longer is he warm or light towards me but a dread. O I fear his disapproving eye. I have been a horrible boy. I know not where he is for if I did, I would have found him. He is a flaming fire before me, an angry God above me, kindled to unleash upon me at any moment like the full clouds my punishment upon me. 

O that once sweet saviour that came tenderly to me in my early hours now hides his comely face. Where art thou crieth my soul, where is my shepherd? He is no where to be found for I have lost him.

Sir: O poor boy, you ought to know that sin is such a business that whoever pursues it is sure to go bankrupt. It is at first pleasant but the end of it is gall. Where we see Christ to lift up his wounded, sin cast them down. And because you have been deep in the well of sin, your soul now feels Christ to be far off. The scripture rings true in your case, namely what harmony or fellowship has Christ with Belial? Has there been any peace in your experience dear boy? Nay and never has there been peace in mine. O boy, you have indeed prostituted yourself to your lusts and wants, never denying yourself a day from the forbidden fruit. I do wonder what kind of heart you have.

Sinner: O it is the worst sir! My soul tells me it is the worst there ever was. For how in a minute I could be doing that which is good and holy and the next I am found employed for the devil's work. O it is insanity and utterly depraved. I know my condition to be filthy and ugly and yet I desire beauty, that which is offered to me daily and yet I choose the muck.

Sir: Indeed my boy, some do sin out of ignorance but many sin out of choice. The clear ocean is laid before you, heaven's treasure is spread above you and yet you do embrace the earth beneath you. I must say also that I am sure that there are many secrets sin about you. You are not the first I have encountered of this sought. Many of your kind have come my way. Also my boy, how often do you remember God's mercies?

Sinner: O, I remember them as the flowers. When they are fresh, I enjoy them inhaling their smell as if they were the loveliest thing I have ever smelt, but as soon as the day passes, I forget about them, neglecting them and it soon withers away in sorriness.

Sir: Just as I thought. Not many retain the mercy of yesterday to carry them into the delight of tomorrow. Because they have forgotten the good works of God, they have also forgotten his kindness. Hence why you can say to me that you have lost Jesus and he is now to you a dread. You must have forgotten the words that he will never forsake you nor leave you. And if this is true, how could one loose Jesus? We could loose him but he can never loose us. Therefore, what you feel as loosing Jesus is only subjective and not objective. For although you have not a sweet disposition about you, yet he is there, and he is by you right now in as much as you believe his promises.

Sinner: But my sins have brought me very low.


Sir: Indeed it has. It is the end of sin to humiliate a man by making him a demon far removed from that original image that he was bestowed. Sin degrades a man, and lays upon him the burden of his guilt. For Adam it was death, spiritual death as well as physical death. And your sins indeed has brought you to this miserable state. Yes you are full of sadness and depressed in spirit. There is no sunshine about you. Your happiness is out of tune. Pianos are said to go primarily out of tune because of changes in humidity, and your happiness is out of tune because of your sins. Your mind is thus troubled, unfit for praise nor prayer. It is the joy of the devil to see a depressed Christian and especially so when the reason is because of sin. But fear not, for in as much as sin brings a man very low, yea so low, as for God to count it worthy and a loving just thing to cast him into hell forever, yet Christ's righteousness brings a man very high. It is so high that God counts it a delight that such persons found with his Son's righteousness are to be with him in his sanctuary forever. 

Forsake your ways and come to your senses. I pray for you, for only grace can prevail with the likes of you. 

K.Oni