The Writings of Sunny Caane

 Dear Sunny,

As I look back, there were many ladies who loved me that I paid no attention to. Now I see the agonies of their heart as I was totally blinded to their love for me. Foolish ladies! They should have made it obvious and drew my attention in such a blatant way that I could not have missed it. But instead, they put a cloud upon their love as the clouds hide the sun. Ah, ladies who were unworthy of my delight, or perhaps it was not as if they were unworthy but in that season of my spirited soul, I was not drawn to them as to count them lovely or perhaps even now I may not count them as anything fanciful except to take pleasure in their sisterliness. Ah, such is the way of love that only a few experience the love of one throughout their lives. Love is not something that comes easily for me nor do I seek it, for I am of that pure soul, yea like Christ and Paul to live alone - alone with God for only He can understand the true depths of my need which no woman can satisfy. This is why I am to go up and live in the mountain for a whole year - not to eschew humanity forever but to satisfy my soul in this lonesomeness and then to return fully for a lifetime and give all that I have to the poor and perhaps I’ll be worthy to die a martyrs death and if not so, perhaps my words will live for a thousand years pointing to Christ and the awesomeness of his infinite beauty and how it should be all of our daily duty to seek him first and him alone then everything will be put in its proper place.

I will come and see you my dear Sunny before I depart, for you are the closest one to me and I will miss you dearly my long-time sunshine friend. Deep were the joys in my soul in our youthful hours when leisure was all that we had. Keep well dear friend!

Keela 

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane

 O my dear beloved Sunny

Read the words I penned the other night.

By the water of the Thames, there I sat down and wept as I remembered her. On her chest I often laid my head to rest and in grieve she was taken from me, and the people looked upon me with malice saying always that I deserved not a beautiful woman like her. How shall I love again when she is gone? If I forget her, let my eyes be taken away from me as to never gaze upon anything of beauty. Be warned you evildoers that there comes a day when my beloved will rise and I will once again rise in strength and dash your little ones against the rocks.

Kala

K.Oni

Her beauty is marvelous

Her beauty is marvelous- splendid to the sight.

A distinctive delight to all the joys of my heart. 

What is her name and what is her mother’s name that I may give thanks and honor to the one who begot her.

K.Oni

The feelings of the Holy Spirit

Many have acquainted the feeling of the Holy Spirit with nonsense such as in the falling to the ground or hysterical laughter or speaking in gibberish. Fools! The feelings of the Holy Spirit consist mainly in the desire to obey Christ and of love towards him and his kingdom and in practically walking in love and living in joy and peace in Christ. It is written, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭5:22-23.‬ These are the feelings and lasting work of the Holy Spirit.

K.Oni

The last day for the Christian

I was married to Christ upon my conversion for the better or the worse. This I understood when I made my vow! Now that I am in a very miserable state and have no daily comfort in the world's eyes, and many are calling me to divorce Him, with the devil himself leading the charge - shall I acquiesce? Fools! They know not that my faith is unshaken because of Him who has me and has taken hold of me and will never let me go and I will never let go of him. I understood His calling when He called me. He made it very clear that I must carry my cross if I am to follow Him. And indeed I have by His grace. It has been for the worse in this world but how sweet his comforts were in the deepest of my darkness. O, that last day here will yet be my best day.

K.Oni

Why am I wide awake in the dead of night

In the dead of night, I am wide awake

She said goodbye, she wasn’t feeling my ways
I made no arguments, no plea for her to stay
Then why am I wide awake in the dead of night?

I drink to feel the feelings again
It makes me brave but I know that it is too late
For me to call and I know you won’t reply to my verse. 
Yet I’m not in ache,
In the day there was no craving for you
Then why am I wide awake in the dead of night?

K.Oni

You can never find me again

Can we talk this out 

Or is it impossible now? 

You said you don’t need my bed

 
Well, I’m not sorry to learn 

 
That you have not found rest. 

You can never find me again 

And I’ll never find you again.  

K.Oni

To find the heartbeat that got away

From a field of gold, I flew all the way home  

Trying to capture you in a bottle of smoke  

I reached out to the birds of the summer 

To find the heartbeat that got away.  

K.Oni

Sometimes I think does prayer work

 I am unworthy in every single way. Sometimes I think does prayer work? If God who is sovereign is able to do as He pleases and not constrained by anything not even by the free will of man, then why are the things I prayed for not come to pass? I do not linger on this feeling of thoughts for I take every thought captive to obey the ways of Christ. God is indeed Sovereign and does as He pleases. It is not for me to doubt but to believe that all that comes my way is for my good. And if I have influenced any of it due to my disobedience leading God to take away certain things from me which would have led to my destruction, then all the more praise to his glorious ways and inscrutable wisdom. O, how marvelous that He should overlook some of my desires and I should be where I am. My only thoughts now are to walk in obedience and submission to Him and to pray all the more eagerly as the day approaches.

K.Oni

Monday

 Ah, Monday, here you are
I wonder what you will bring me
Or what will I give to thee?
Will I be fortunate
Favoured by a divine decree of good news
Or will I plod on with no changes to my existence?
I bid you well my soul
Drink in the Joy of the Lord
And work hard as time ticks idly by.
Who will come my way?
Will it be her or him
Them or they?
Whoever it maybe
I pray they find me kind!

K.Oni

The Joy of Confession

O, good Lord, how gracious you have been to me in the past two months when all I deserved was death because of my sins. Yet you show mercy for indeed you are the Father of all mercies and I am sweetly glad that you count not my sins against me. Let it be known and be to me a witness that I indeed surrender my life wholly to thee again and will be in the business of living out the principles and law of your beloved Son in whom is all of my blessings. May I always remember Him in my temptations remembering what it cost Him and then depart from all of my wicked ways. O you have been good to me!

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane

 Dear Sunny

Below is in regard to a letter I sent to my beloved Deloria who has now deserted me without a word, just a silent stance she takes toward me.

Ah, Deloria, what shall I say that my heart is troubled because of thee? It is in anguish! Not because of eros love but that of brotherly love. I fear you have mistaken my feelings to think that I am in love with you or seek the sweetness of your kiss. Such a desire is not in my heart. What is in my soul is your happiness. It is the ever-increasing serene jovial joy that I wish upon you. It grieves me because you are now in pain and I can do nothing to soothe you because you eschew me. If I have done anything to bring you to such a thought, then I along with everything good ask for your forgiveness. But if hating me eases your pain in any meaningful way then hate me the most. Such is my delicate care for you that I believe that you have the bluest eyes, fairer than the bluest sky. O, to see you again and talk. I believe I shall be like a balm on your wounds. Perhaps I speak too highly of myself but in any and all ways I am sorry if I have done you any wrong but I want to assure you that I have none of that feeling of physical intimacy in me for you although you are very desirable and a precious jewel. I do not wish you to be the ring upon my finger but more like a friend across a small table who share a hearty meal and then you rest upon my breast like John the Apostle when he rested his weary head on the Messiah' chest.

Yours now and forever

Eliano

K.Oni

Forgive me Lord for my sins

 Forgive me Lord for my sins
The hardness of my heart astounds me.
How is it that I neglect your table of delight 
And feast on the table of sin.
O wretched man that I am
Unbelievably wretched.
But there is hope in trusting thee
There is hope in your mercy.
May it lead me to repentance!
May this week be lived in holiness.

K.Oni

Her beauty was beyond this world

Her beauty was beyond this world
Blue within blue eyes -
A masterpiece like Eve unlike any other of her kind.
A sweet delight to the sight
And how much more delightful to touch and adore.

K.Oni

Many hearts have many thoughts about a host of things

 Ah, you see many hearts have many thoughts about a host of things, and many of those things are wicked. Yet Christ stands at the door and knocks and they will not give him admittance - such is the hearts of men that in their sinful folly they deny themselves the highest good. And how many Christians who ought to have Christ in their heart all day instead have sinful and lustful thoughts and walk with them and gladly entertain them through their day. And even in the night when they ought to dream about his kingdom, they dream much more about establishing their own kingdom on this earth. It is pitiful that we Christians have not stood out as radiant light to this decaying and dying culture and not made it plain without any doubt that we are indeed light and the world around us is in deep darkness. Jesus was the best of examples - He was a Marvelous light to the Jews and they crucified him because their own deeds were evil and his was good without fault. Woe to the prosperity teachers today who spend their pulpit promising death rather than eternal life.

K.Oni

The beauty of God's love

 The beauty of God's love towards us is that he loves us despite us being absolutely unlovable in every moral sense. We are filth and shameful, yet he sets his eyes upon us. How marvelous, how delightful! Our proper place ought to be an eternity in hell for disobeying and disbelieving in God and not following his perfect way. Whatever we may think of our will, one thing is sure namely that the evil in it is entirely our own and origin.

K.Oni

Good deed

 Ah, good deed - look how good you make me feel and relieve me of all my guilt but thou art deceptive in your remedy. Too many have settled on your glistening shores and bountiful forest, picking at thy sweet fruits and laying themselves to rest in the cool of the evening. But I will not rest in thee for in the end you will damn me and say in front of thy God that 'I have fallen miserably short in meeting the standards He has set forth for mankind and that it is none of your faults if doing thy work gave me some comfort and rest to ease my conscience. It was never my intention to do so but like the scattered rays of the light upon the earth to create a rainbow so are my deeds when done.

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caaane

Dear Sunny

My confidence is in her because she loves me. It is indeed entirely natural and not forced or if it was forced then it was all my natural qualities that forced my love upon her. She wants not my money or status but just me and my devotion. She wants to be loved by me which is to be expected and wants me to be entirely open to her and to confide in her in all things in my heart and for me to never feel a shade of mistrust from her. 

But can I love so entirely as she loves me? I fear I am so stricken that I cannot let myself loose as she is willing for me to give. There will always be a part of me kept hidden from her and that part is a mystery to myself for I love the long solitary walks and time alone into the deep night. She wants some of that time if not all. 

She has such a selfish and noble love. I can give her some of that time but can I converse with her the deep things of my soul as I do with my diary and with you. She wants to be my pen or rather the paper on which I pour all my thoughts.

I am coming to see you in two days' time. Oh, how happy I am!

Abraham

K.Oni

She is long gone

 She is long gone
Another pretender that I pretend, 
With no intention
I hold her 
In my forgotten dreams.
A happy memory 
Of which she has no glean
Of my endless happy scenes. 
I pray with no hope
But I pray and pray
And reach out with no hope.
The more I say, the hopeless my theme.
The drink and the music drown my misery
Each day a prolonged drab.

K.Oni

The days are agonizingly long

 The days are agonizingly long
Stretching deplorably towards a bitter song.
Understanding nothing of my own pain
Looking ahead there is nothing to gain. 
What to make of friends and foe
I'm disturbed by a word not sowed.
Casual conversations are a nuisance
Deep talks I eschew for its translucence.
Nobody calls because I refuse to talk
Lost in my own soul, but I won't walk.

K.Oni