Showing posts from 2015

Story: Double Love

I cannot reach my love, her who is constantly in my soul. It seems more than ever that we are world's apart, like we live in two different realms. Yet she is always in my heart and in my soul. Oh what to do!
But the other day, in the early afternoon  I met another who gave me an approving smile. The stars of admiration glistened in her eyes. Although she did not confess it with her lips, yet her arduous touch and steady gazing confirmed it. 
I spoke to her a while conversing on many light matters, for it would do no good to talk about a thing that weighs the soul. We spoke of gentle nature and how equally we admire the sunset but that we both favored the sunrise. The more she lingered around me, the more I began to see her ascending supremacy in all things.
Have I been won? As my heart been taking away once again into that garden of dearest love? But there was nothing in my mouth to suggest such a thing, for my tongue still had the taste of indifference, although as each hour wen…

Watch over me

Watch over me
What is there to watch?
My life

Watch over me
What is there to watch?
My ways

Watch over me
What is there to watch?
My sins

Watch over me
What is there to watch?
My Sorrow

Watch over me
I need someone to care.

My Lord, my sweet love

My Lord, my sweet love
You are forever kind,
For you have restored and renewed my soul.
I am forever in your debt
You are the treausure of my heart.

You are my hope, the king of my life.
I Kneel, your commands to heed,
I pray, I know all my feelings to you flow.
My shelter, my ever present help
My Light, my dream, my righteousness
I will ever walk with you.


One day, for many people happiness and pleasantness will cease

One day, for many people happiness and pleasantness will cease.
For the other people, happiness and pleasantness will be never ending.
For those people whose happiness will cease, their existence will be hard and unsparing. Despair will be their daily gift.
For the other people, each day will be glorious and gorgeous, full of glitter and glamour, merriment and good will.
Who wants this grim to be their existence?
None I dare say who truly know the extent of its misery. But because many have no idea of the eternal depression of hell, many are not tortured by it in their soul.
In the church, hell is an awkward topic, but when Christ returns, it will be a graphic matter.
Who in church is informed of this impending doom? Who will weep for their generation, let alone weep for their own family!
Who worries about their own soul, let alone the heart of their brother?
Man has hugged reason and hung faith. He forgot that both came forth from the Almighty!
Reason without faith misleads. Faith…

Who knows what life will give them?

Who knows what life will give them?
Who knows except the one who can see the future. Surely we can predict and say, if I do this then this will happen, or if I do that, then that will happen.
Who knows what life will give them?
There is wisdom in planning, in working hard and in having goals. There is foolishness in laziness and leaving everything to nature to sort itself out.
The person who rises up early to study will sleep well before the eve of an exam. But the person who sleeps till late will worry anxiously before he takes his test.
But even with all precise planning, yet who knows what life will give them?

If our life is a drama, the stage has already been set. We enter in crying and eventually we will depart. We observe, we react, we listen and form relationships with the other characters in this drama. We join different plots and develop different themes but we are always under certain constraints. 

What are your constraints? 
What is life given you at this moment or what are you …

Goodbye my golden glow

Her beauty far outweighs mine,
Golden glorious
Her smile dislodges my downhearted tide,
Carried in by the moon of my distress
Of her never to adore our filial pride.
But Halt, her gladsome glow forever my golden show,
Now confined to memory, to ethereal gratification
Of her lips caressing the hardness of my skin,
Till serenity overruns our stimulated exhale.
Goodbye my golden glow
Your stream now ease through his pictorial path 
His wonders better than the stars of night
His light brighter, better than the charmful art of nature's rhymes.
He gives your eyes and heart what I lack,
I do wish you well though I fear 
This heartache will soon make me die.


I knew a sad boy: No where to go with his life

I knew a very sad boy who told me that he had no where to go with his life, that there was no future for him. His brown eyes was continually teary even at the best of times. He told me,

"Sir, I have nowhere to go with my life. I just want to die, halt my step and be deceased. For I am a disease, unwanted and unloved. One person said that I was a poison and the other that I had something missing which I could never give. Many others looked at me with eyes of scorn, labelling me a scum. O sir, my heart is sensitive, and those with whom I have built my hopes have taken a hammer in good cheer and happily broken my home. O what to do sir! I have no hate for them in my heart for I am all those things, vile and evil. I believe as they have said that I could never make anyone happy, and what is living if those that I want to make happy can never be happy with me? One time, I saw in her eyes utter disgust for me, as if I was a filthy stain in her life, an hindrance to her happiness and I …

I give you my all

To be here again, that is among the people of God, that righteous assembly; I behold Jesus and pour contempt on all my pride. O I have boasted on my abilities though they are worth less than a talent and I have delighted in vain things that to my shame charms me more than the the things from above. But now those earthly things that takes my heart, I sacrifice them to my Lord and burn them forever in order to yeild myself entirely to him. For I saw again the crown upon his head, the nails hammered in his hands, and in his eyes I saw sorrow and love flowing down in his tears. O my beloved Chist, my heavenly darling, I give you my all. Love so amazing, so divine demands my all.

Looking to the day I will be still

I feel guilty
how can I escape and feel freedom?
lately I’ve been dreaming of death
she sounds sweetly
save me!
I need a saviour that will whip me
ritual my days
imaginary is what I’m wishing,
looking to the day when I will be still.
Aching desire to accomplish my end
hating my jealousy
thinking deep past death,
the threat of living keeps me bound
in my agitated demise,
I feel guilty
Looking to the day I will be still
Nobody needs me.


Happy I am

Happy I am Happy to stand To walk in the light of eternal life.
Happy I am Happy to sit  Under the shadow of the Almighty.
Happy I am Happy to walk With her to paradise and beyond. 

Pain lingers in my heart

Pain lingers in my heartIt is the death of me.  The lines of life have awfully swayed To sorrow's lodging. She welcomes me to dine with sombre And play along with gloom. After many years she (sorrow) said Your pain with me will lead to an early death. 

End of the world

The world is quiet 
Overhung with gloom 
Her proud beauty Destroyed, 
along with her shame. 

Where are her echoes 
The noise she loudly sang 
To go beyond eternity? 
The debris 
Now superior to her callous society!  K.Oni

God loves his own

God loves his own. He loves them so much that he would bring about the greatest suffering upon them to bring them back to himself and to glory.
The centuries have confirmed this noble truth in the life of many Christians. Jesus himself was perfected through suffering. Through many heartaches did our Lord enter into glory. And we should expect nothing less.
It is a rarity that God should let a saint pass into eternal life without difficulty. It is like looking for gold among sands. One must look for gold between rocks or at the bottom of streams.
Many Christians after passing through their valley of death say with that Blessed apostle to whom suffering was a never ceasing companion that, 'For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. '
O right now poor Christian, does your heartache? Does your unbearable pain bring you to that sorrowful conclusion that you have indeed received th…

Psalm 93: An Exposition

One of the clearest biblical truths is that God reigns. He is sovereign, the only ruler of the cosmos. He is the great Creator of all things and governs all creatures, actions, and things, from the greatest even to the least. There is nothing outside of his sovereignty, even the remotest particle is under his Sovereign sway.
God reigns and He is robed in majesty. That is his Sovereignty is clothed with the greatest conceivable beauty. God reigns but not like the most despotic of rulers, or Kings who are bent solely on destruction, but he reigns magnificently and efficiently administering his mercy and grace to all creation, kissing all his works with the soft kindness of his tenderness. O to have seen the universe before the fall, to have beheld that uncorrupted creation! Men could almost be justified in worshiping her, but our uncorrupted reason would have prevented such a catastrophe.
God reigns but many scoff at this truth. They deny him his basic right namely his absolute sovere…

I Love your House

I love the house of God, that redeemed community of praise. Like the Psalmist I say, I will go into your house with burnt offerings; I will pay you my vows. My buisness in your house is thankfulness. A heart resolute to worship you in my happiness and brokenness.

If I am broken, out of the depth I will cry to you. O Lord hear my voice says my soul, and I will not be ashamed to mingle my supplications with tears and sobbs. In my barrenness I will call to you my everlasting helper - then I will praise you with all I have. All of my strength will be spent on you as one rejoices at a football game when their team snatches the victory. For your mercy is renewed towards me every day. O that sweet distinguishing mercy which you daily lavish on my sinful head.

I will offer you new praises. Sing my soul to the Lord a new song for he has done marvellous things! I will go into your house. But surely, here in the calm of my room, in the private of my home, I can worship you and praise you. But in…


She had an angelic beauty about her, an amorous youth. Her ways were dressed in mysticism, in an ancestral creed of woman simplicity. 

Pleasure was her name to me, for she was to my eyes an appealing picture, an architectural grandeur. When she spoke, she had an animated eloquence, an approving smile, an 
ascetic devotion to her subject of discussion. She was to me a cardinal merit, a blessed fanaticism of my boyish heart. A charming radiance strolled with her, soft environment and vivid revelation accompanied her. 

How to me, a charitable allowance she displayed was always answered by grace in me. The loveliness of her character, the tenderness of her disposition, the creativeness of her existence. O to me she was the sum of all my desires, the end of all noble Ideals. Many have said that I have 
been blinded by her, enchanted by her and taken away by her. Whatever spell she has casted on me, I welcome and have no inclination to seek for a release. 


Aware of my love

My love, what I know of my self is this, that I am very much aware of my awareness that I 
love you. When I look into myself, believing that I have a good knowledge of myself, I see that all my faculties have a deep interest in you. My eyes delight at your beauty, my ears are unruffled when it hears your voice, my mouth is eager to kiss you, my nose keen to smell you, my hands craving to touch you and my mind is full of you. 

All of this sensation I am well aware of; and like a magnet I am drawn to you, for everything about you fascinates me. When you are away I miss you. When you are near I want to hold you. 

In my mind, if you will allow it, I have already decided to be committed to you forever. Only death will lose my passion for you. And if in death we should possess any sort of consciousness, then I know this, namely that I will be very conscious of you. 

My desire for you is unfathomable. Throughout various times in the day you have a desire for a cup of tea. To have such a desire i…

Without you, life is death

There is only one life with you
Without you, life is death,
Your sight does ressurect my appetite to breathe
And kiss the brown leaves
Beneath Hades shallow creeks.
For you are like Greece in her Alexandria splendour.


Sin, that vile drip slowly posioing my soul

Sin, that vile drip slowly posioing my soul
Always bitter sweet, never yeilding a honeyed note
But crass, inane, gross like a man living in rotten sewers.
Green pastures, righteousness beckons me,
But sins dwelling, inhabited since my blithe youth
A monstrous hold; Freedom!
But held like Samson under Philistine chains.


An honour for Oscar

I confess that I’ve always been a bit dubious about honouring saints. And not just on the kind of theological grounds that made such an impact at the Reformation. I suppose I’ve been rather suspicious of cults of personality too.

I object to the way that women have been honoured for virginity while men have been honoured more for being great teachers and theologians. And then there are all those saints like Valentine, whose stories get turned to all sorts of strange commercial ends. I’ve often insisted that ‘saints’ in the New Testament are always in the plural, that we are all saints (and sinners too) and that there’s no place in the Church for special titles and honours.

But, despite all that, on 23 May, I will be marking the day that Oscar Romero is honoured. I shall be cheering because here was someone who was not a great heroic self, but was someone who really did come to represent his people, and whose memory and inspiration still live in El Salvador.

I went to El Salvador, last ye…

Fall from me

The devil, a fiend, not a friend 
Constant accuser 
Jealous of God's eyes on me. 
His name, heavens demeanour frown. 
Upon mine, angels constantly sing a glad redemptive theme. 
Be ever keen Evil one 
To thrall me and enthral me with your majestic visions 
Of Owning God through sin, 
Beckoning me with sweet psalms of rebellion. 
Woe to thee, your eternity is sealed 
And I will not seal my soul with thee. 
Offend me and bite thy thumb, 
I will not leap off the cliff 
Though you offer me the world. 
Thy unformed darkness forged into a forgery 
Fallen from heaven, fall from me!


Whisper in my ears that I still a saint be

Dear Lord I must confess my sins,
On me please look with all of heaven's grace
And pardon my head when on me gaze.
My face is sad and my heart burdened
Because of sins that are deep in my heart.
O please me forgive, I admit I am not a good man
Empty and shallow please create deep love in me.
I dare not judge others, and when I do I sigh
Knowing that I am worse than they could ever be.
O my sins have made me sad,
Locked in a dungeon where no light can reach
Save the light of your mercy.
Please come and all your love bring
And whisper in my ears that I still a saint be.


Beauty sleeps

Beauty sleeps
Under the evening light
Dreaming of pleasures
Beyond the eternal night


This numbing feel

What is it to be, to see the darkness in the coldness of the heat. The mind wonders through barren fields, mortar and ashes are the grass under my feet. The dead sky lingers above stifling my scene, agonizing appeal, I hear the fleeing birds shriek. Is it all an immortal dream, where mortals weak, and sovereign hands cannot relieve this dark unsettling thing, in my mind where all my feelings reach. 

Speak not, my mouth silent be. Muted ears to an outsider's speech; but faint noise, yet too loud causes an antagonistic feel. Help! But their eyes my pain cannot greet. This darkness, did it arise from an ancient creed, or programmed from the seed? 

Refrain from commenting on my existence, unless my lips upon yours be, then for a minute, or for the length of our misdeed, I feel a sensation until the climatic release. It feels like the sun through the clouds break, but after sleep, I awake with a numbing feel, of the darkness in the coldness of the heat; my mind wonders through deeper bar…

Blind to her vices

Her keen mind penetrates my august soul, 
Harmless beauty, superficially gentle, 
To my evening eyes, under weather, 
Cold but kind, the mask of the dawn 
Unleashes a soft storm, 
Pulsating like a consecrated stream. 
Hallowed, the strength of my humane loyalty 
To her method of profound cupidity. 
Stillness awe, hilarity gathering 
Beneath hidden thoughts. 
Respectful, courteous to her proud ways, 
A cheap fanatic, but fantastically extraordinary. 


There's a lady I want to make my own

There's a lady I want to make my own 

Who makes my life shine, dazzling Gold. 

She is all lovely and never strange to me 

But it is a shame, my shame 

That she doesn't feel the same


I say goodbye to my sins

I say goodbye to my sins 
Never to sleep with you again, 

Fair well Iron master!


Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus

Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus
I see no reason why he would not weep for me
Though not in flesh our friendship be
I feel him as friendly wind on the skin.

I remember when my doubts disquieted me
And worry like waves drowned me in her sea,
Jesus came by calming the gale
Dispelling every fear without and within.

Jesus wept for his friend Lazarus
When my eyes close he will weep for me
Though he knows in a moment I shall be by his side
That will not stop aching tears falling fresh from his eyes. 


Is it right to wish to die

Is it right to wish to die
To kiss this existence a sweet goodbye?
For my heart no meaning found,
To see another sunrise 
Will not produce a smile.
Empty is the life within,
The waves of my sea 
Calm and calmless be.
Forgotten by the sight I see
Perhaps heaven is the place I ought to be.
Goodnight world, goodnight stars,
Dear flowers your smell I will not miss
And voices heard no more I'm glad
For peace and silence shall be the state of my heart. 
No more longing, 
No more feeling
Goodbye World, 
Is it right for me to want to die. 


The Remedy for Paralyzed Sinners & Fallen Saints. Matthew 6:23

God did his most deadly work to destroy hopelessness and futility and provincial cowardice. He gave up his Son to torture and death. A perfect life, a perfect death, and the decisive work was done. But there are millions who are numb to hope because of the God-belittling things they have done and how ugly they have become. They don't lift lofty arguments against God's Truth; they shrug and feel irretrievably outside. They don't defy God consciously; they default to cake and television. Except for the periodic rush of sex and sport and cinema, life yawns. There is no passion for significance. For many, no passion at all.
There is a Christian version of this paralysis. The decision has been made to trust Christ. The shoot of hope and joy has sprung up. The long battle against sin has begun. But the defeats are many, and the plant begins to wither. One sees only clouds and gathering darkness. The problem is not perplexing doctrine or evolutionary assaults or threats of perse…

Miscellanies: It all seems absurd, that is the idea of eternity

It all seems absurd, that is the idea of eternity. That when I awake on that eternal day, it shall never end. It will continue and continue. But surely after the honeymoon is over, and the lamb has had his wedding, will he not perhaps get unintrested in us? And like he did after creating the angels, he created us, and after us, perhaps he will create another and they shall have all of his affection and we shall be ministering spirit to them.

But this is all my scepticism, my anger and bitterness at the cruelty of life, at the dullness of existence and being. But my faith, my mustard seed of faith tells me that Christ, the Holy Spirit, and Heavenly Father shall count us a joy and us them forever. 


I live knowing that I have nothing to offer humanity

I live knowing that I have nothing to offer humanity. What a shame. What a bad place to be.

Please do not tell me your troubles, becasue I have no advice to give. Even if I did, I will keep silent for all is a chasing after the wind.

Engage me in a familiar discourse and I will act ignorant. I will look you in the eyes and in deep grief shrug my shoulders.

I have ceased crying, hoping and praying. I consider everything I do to be worthless. Indeed they have no worth in themselves. Not that the activies do not have any worth, they do, but when I do them, they have no worth.

But do not pity me because I do not want your pity. Let me die, and when I am buried, that is by nature, let no one attend my funeral except for the angels that are sent to carry me home. And as they carry me upwards, I shall ask them many a question and thank them for taking me to a place where there is eternal light.


I knew a sad boy: whose heart ached from a severe lack of compliments and affirmation

I knew a sad boy whose heart ached from a severe lack of compliments and affirmation. When he overlooked his life, that his to trace all of his memories, he could never remember a time when anybody said anything good about him. He did many a good things but no one acknowledged him, and deep into the night, when the stars themselves begin to shut their eyes, the poor sad boy would cry, saying: 'O for someone to say that I mean the world to them, or that I am lovely.'

But no one ever paid him such words, and worst of all, he could never buy it.


Miscellanies: Its not as if I have it all together

Its not as if I have it all together. As if I have all the pieces of my life in place as I would have them. Instead, they are scattered all over the place, some here and some there. Thus do not find it strange if you do not find a joyful constancy within me. If today I am full of sunshine, and tomorrow I am full of darkness, do not consider it a strange thing. Indeed there is nothing good about too bright a sunlight if it blocks one's eyes from seeing the path ahead. We can say that it is truly the same as the darkness because if I should continue to walk ahead, I will fall take the wrong direction or hit something. It is no better than the blind leading the blind; I will fall into a ditch.


No bounded edge to her personality

There was no bounded edge to her personality, but I am bounded, and her unboundedness intrigues me, fascinates me. I know the world through my feelings, my feelings of guilt, of boundaries, and the fear of going beyond my borders; but she has no such sensation. She is free. A freedom I cannot live, nor accept. I have a best sense of myself, the kind that is typical of all good men, but she, I dare say, like freedom itself considers whatever state she is in to be the best sense of herself.

Her movement dances to a mixture of music and even to silence itself. I can only move to a Bethoven, and my ears only have time for well written music, the kind which echoes from the mouth of a piano, or stringed from the violin. But she could take my archaic tune and make it graceful, elegant as well as dysfunctional, having no pace or rhythm about it, and make both contrary themes lovely.

She speaks without an agenda, move with and without a direction. How a creature so unlike me could live and I b…