Poem: I have lost myself

I have lost myself in a dark alley
pining in the deep depths of relational woes.
Groping with no will to rise
Craving my own eternal demise.
What is this world, what is love?
Who am I after she has gone
Dead to me, alive to him!
Dead to me, I am dead to me.
Who am I? This human shape
Which once hoped in the light of day
Then in a day, or more, in successes of days
Isolation became my only way.
I fear the light of love
Hatred too I cannot adore
Feelings too severe severed from me
Loosing myself in this dark alley of isolation!

K.Oni

A prayer for my soul

I want to do well in this life for the sake of Christ my King.
Indeed! I am yours Lord, I surrender it all to thee
Use me as thou will, I will not begrudge your will.
Thank you Father, mercy each day to me you give
You have blessed me with all heavenly riches
May I not squander it on worthless things.
King of my heart, the joy of my soul,
Christ my King is all the time my own
May I never forget thee, have you always before me
And live this life for the sake of Christ my King.

K.Oni

All things end

When we first met
death was at the center.

All things end.

All things end!

I was once your love
Your sweet muse,

All things end,

All things end!

I choose to still love you
I want to forsake you
My contradiction;

All things end.

All things end!

I wait for the future news
That will send my present adieu.

All things end.

All things end!

K.Oni

Miscellanies 101

Dear Lord

What is your will for my life?

I know not save to be holy and to be like your Son Jesus Christ. So far I have failed spectacularly. It is to my shame that I have trampled upon your name. The fault is all mine, that is why I am not surprised that you have entrusted me with little - so little indeed; please do not take this away.

But I know that Christ will lead me all the way, and take me safely home. My heart at this moment is worn and sad, yet Christ comforts me still, although all my heartache is all my own.

I did put my trust in one, I placed my life in her hand -  a foolish thing for any a man, for any a soul, ought to put their trust in Christ! Thus I strayed from the way, even before I was wandering still, but time to time Christ found me weeping, comforts me and guides my way.

I neglected the fellowship, and find meetings friends a chore, I spend all my days alone, desiring my miserable self. But no joy; I ought to pray, for once I said Christ is the joy of all I am. Then when I in sorrow be, I ought to pray and praise, but guilt gets the better of me, and I wallow in self pity.

K.Oni

A prayer for my soul

Dear God, I hate myself because I sin against thee.
Every day I sin, sin which brings me so much misery
Yet you give me grace and look upon me with steadfast love.
I repent O Lord of my soul; and give myself to thee,
I know that you lead me every hour
May I forever follow your lead.
Keep guiding me through the storms and through the pastures too.
I will keep my eyes on you!
You will be my joy, each day will I meditate on you
I will love you and do all to your glory.
I know I fall far short, help me be like your Son
Holy Spirit do not forsake me
Enable me to do the heavenly will.

K.Oni

My Soul be content

My Soul be content
Happily suppress every discontent. 
Love not riches 
Or something, 
That God in his will
Has currently denied me.
Now I am poor
Alone and forsaken.
She is gone
Let me not grudge at the will of God!
My Soul be content
For every moment Christ is enough.

K.Oni

When was the last time you thought about the cross of Christ?

When was the last time you thought about the cross of Christ?

When was the last time you meditated on the Savior's suffering and victory?

How often does your church consider the death of Christ?

How often does your church root its theology on Christ and His sufferings, and victory?

I fear that many churches and Christians only visit the cross when Easter approaches or once in a while.

Christ and His Life, His cross and resurrection is the center of our faith.

Miscellanies 100 - I am happy

I am happy - happy like a flower in the bright sun after the morning dew. The joy of my salvation is restored and I feel like a weaned child, satisfied. Life is sweet, the merriment of love is a crown on my head. O wonderful Christ you have visited me and kissed me. Today I was full of gladness like the days of old. I had a beaming smile and a contented soul. I spoke with joy and talked to all, even spoke to one about the Lord of all. I quoted a passage from the fair bible and as I walked home I prayed but not as much as I did as when I was going to work. I am happy because Christ has not forsaken me, although some have as I have forsaken many more, in him I rejoice and humbly bow my head in glad submission.

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane; My sweet mother

My dear friend, it should be said that I am not so much of a congenial man as I thought. Today my heart is full of disdain and bitterness, because the world as I perceived is not as it is in reality. She did strike me with a blow, one so hard and harsh that it injured my trust of her, and forever distrust her motives!

Ah, she is a serpent, the worst kind! A sweet witch, a beseeching devil. She is a terror on my life although I am no angel. All her ways are full of deception and yet I cannot look past her horizon. O for help and grace to release me from this languishing despair. I can not rise although I rise to curse her a thousand times times ten thousand times. But my words are cloudy, mingled with the salt of hatred. Perhaps I should a sleep awhile, see the light in her life and the darkness in mine; perhaps this will halt my self righteous indignation. But as I look back seeking to find a lovely stream in my dreams, all that befalls me is a tornado and hurricane of her habitual emotions, lashed upon me like the waves batter against the coast. I was a beaten rock, worn from ever side, yet I maintained a smile a sweet outward appearance, bearing with her, covering her with love and patience.

But it is futile. My once lovely Mother, who kissed me as a child ruined my manhood. But the blame will never rest on her as far as I am concerned. I will keep forgiven until this anger is removed from me by the sweet embrace of eternal death. I wish to forget her like a lost age, erased from the memory of humanity! But I can not. She is my mother, the stone and the flesh in my heart!

Write soon Sunny Caane - her condition is deteriorating. Pray the heavens for mercy - it is still my duty to care.

With all the love in this world
Reema