And at present, it is becoming extremely difficult for me to believe or see that my Christianity has any effect at all. For there is no effect without a cause. I sincerely believe that the cause of Christ is formed in me, yet perhaps it has all been in vain in bearing lasting fruit. Yet I do not doubt my assurance of heaven, of one day walking on the golden pavements of the new earth. The sweet seed of assurance has grown to be a mighty tree in my heart. I know that Christ lives in me and amidst the forest of barrenness, yet I see prickles of heaven's light in all my gravely disposition. I am assured of heaven and yet my eyes cannot see the beauty of my future glory. O Christ, come and remove the veil of self-pity from my earthly laden eyes and turn the brow of my eyes towards your outstanding beauty. I say in the depths of my heart, that never have I produced anything good, or when I survey the vast wonders of the manifold works of others, I lament in pity, desiring to put down my pen, imagination and will. But you have taught my heart to continue, rejoicing in others, esteeming them better than myself and yet to keep going, caring not for man's attention or for that feminine fancy. You have in a dream of reality brought me to eat of that golden fruit of assurance which never diminishes my future hope of sitting with you on your heavenly throne.