Longing to change

Am I a victim of my circumstance?
Should I blame God or should I praise like Job?
Cursing deep, but that's not a saints way,
Finding my identity in my failures, but they tell me that I'm looking in the wrong place.
Loosing faith because of fear
Too many nights I tear
Leave me alone in my melancholy bed.
At the foot of the cross, here I am with my many sins
This is me uncircumcised, longing to change
To be righteous like old Miss Tucker,
A solitary nun, caring for sixty lepers.
Open my eyes, let me see the God of great wonder,
Who gave it all, crucifying his Son in great anger.
But underneath it all, it was his love, without it there's no hope for the broken in heart.
I'm feeling wilted,
The years of loneliness got me stressing,
Singleness is a grudge I'm currently begrudging.

K.Oni