The writings of Sunny Caane

 Dear Sunny

Ah, the familiarity of loneliness sipping into my memories as I sit under this enchanted sky. Too many stars above, I wondered if they knew each other and talked to one another and shared chivalrous dreams of love. But what does it matter if anything ever mattered? The sun is hidden, the clinching proof of night and insensible flies agonising my skin. My lack of action agonizes me. My indecision, my indifference to the injustice far away and near me. Why do I sleep the night away and work as a slave during the day? Why do I eat out of necessity and constantly breathe? Why am I not a God, a buddha, a prophet, a messiah, an ambition, the end of all desires, at the top of the food chain, the beginning, and the end? Why must I look a man in the eye and woo a woman? Why must my inner reflection not be seen in a mirror and why was I born?

Ah, the universe is as it is. It just is. Its ever-flowing ebb of cordial indifference to my questions and sufferings. And why must I suffer? Why must I eat and be merry and be a slave to a woman's beauty? Why O Sunny is love not a choice and death a sting? Ah, my memories of your friendship are what keeps me sane and from being crucified to my daily sorrows. Some say I drink too much, but what do they know about too much? What does anyone know about a person's feelings?

But you know, my dear Sunny - You are my defence and elevation. Come soon so that I can rest in the comfort of your tower, safe from this horrifying thunderstorm.

Ariama

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane

My Sunny

I wrote this the other day to the lady I have grown to admire and was careless in my approach towards her and now I have no chance of ever gaining her love. All the fault is mine.

My Illycia,

It occurred to me late last night in a progressive dream that I indeed loved you. My lapse in judgment in the words written and spoken o you must be forgiven. Like a careless word that angers the soul, so were my words that I wrote to you. At that moment I was not a thinking man nor accredited in what I had to say. This is to portray to you my sorry heart. I only began to love you upon reflection and realized your authority over me. See now how I am affected and have become a slave to your ladyship. Today I have long looked at your artful picture, artful indeed because it is beneficent and beyond beautiful. Those deep bold hazel eyes are blazoned with bright zeal for vigilance in doing good to all especially to those who belong to Christ. Ah, I see it now. Cursed be my blindness that I indeed was careless before you and approached you with a half-hearted will. When we met the other day, I had forgotten that we had met before and engaged in a prolonged dialogue. O, how I resent my waywardness towards you. I do not know if I'll ever see you again or if you will ever write back to me. I will delight to see you again. It is now my daily prayer. Do as you wish, but let charity lead your thoughts toward me.

Ariata

K.Oni

Wretched man that I am

Wretched man that I am - O, how wretched! How I wish I was already perfect or indeed more holy. May the good Lord always look upon me with mercy. I can only ask for mercy; only plea on the grounds of the blood of Christ! O to live wholeheartedly for the Lord and to leave all of my besetting sins at once. O that I may not loiter. Blessed indeed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.

K.Oni

A Treatise of Self Denial

 “You must deny yourself always; it must not be temporary and vanishing. In a good mood we can give up and renounce all, and be humble, and ascribe all to grace. We may hang the head for a day like a bulrush, Isa.58. There should be a constant sense of our unworthiness kept up, and a purpose of renouncing all and giving up all. It is not enough to deny a man's self in a thing wherein there is no pleasure, and when his soul abhors dainty food, but it must be in things which are desirable, and this must be constantly practiced too. Ahab humbled himself for a few days.”

Excerpt From

A Treatise of Self Denial

Thomas Manton

They shall see God.

Many are not pure in heart because their desire to see God is too weak.

It is weak indeed. Let us not delude ourselves of our desire to see God when we easily give in to sin. Our Lord said, 'Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God.' 

They shall see God. 

Yea, they shall see God and feel His presence and nearness. They will be as Moses in the tent when the Lord visited Him. Their face will shine and their communion with the Lord will be sweet and delightful. 

Many desire to see God but they are not willing to part with their impurity. 

It is simple. Be Holy! And you will see Him.

Ah, this is indeed a difficult thing for I am a wretched man and who shall deliver me? Who? Jesus Christ indeed. He alone is my deliverer. 

So each day let me be upon my knees and beseech the Lord Almighty that I may see him and have his presence. 

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Canne

Dear Sunny

You are indeed my delight, the friend of my heart. I wrote this the other day and it is my pleasure to share it with you. I know that you are coming soon and what pleasant days await us. The river shall be our view and the evening stars will keep us company as in our youth.

Ah, poor man that I am. Will she accept me? That’s not for me to decide! It’s entirely up to her. My whole business is to tell her the whole truth about me and be humble about it. That’s all I can do. And if she does think me worthy of her time then I shall do all I can to meet her expectations. Even if she were to accept me, I must not then be full of pride but to continue with the same humility. She is indeed a precious jewel, a prized possession in the eyes of God. And if she is so prized and adored by God, shall I not treat her with all care and gentleness knowing that I will give an account to her Lord at the end of all my days. Above all, shall I not lead her in the path of holiness and ensure that I am not the man to lead her into the house of sin. I may not lead her by green pastures, she has a shepherd for that and He alone is fit for that task but I can love her until I have exhausted all of my love and even then, I lean in the strength of the Lord which is never failing and never-ending. So I am sure that as long as I keep my eyes on him I shall always love her and not fail her according to his will.

K.Oni

Voice of praise

Let me once again rise and take my position among my brethren. In a position of humility, serving all and leading them all with the voice of praise.

K.Oni

I am a traveler and there are two ways before me

I am a traveler and there are two ways before me. This way seems awfully pleasant and delightful. 

I see green pastures ahead and a smooth road to follow. But this way to my left has a danger sign upon it. 

It reeks of death and I cannot see beyond its darkness. 

I guess at this point it is not worth asking which I prefer. 

The proper question is where is my destination and which way leads there.

Ah, it is the way that reeks of death that leads to my destination and it is the way I shall go. 

Shall I now forsake my end and take the road of delight?

If I was not so willed and hard-headed as many say, then I can be fickle and change upon this whim. 

But my destination is engraved in my heart and come life or death, I will not forsake it.

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane - Another dream

Dear Sunny

I wrote the words below the other night. I wish you were here to comfort me and offer me wise words.

Ah, a failure. I could see it in her eyes -

The disappointment -
The scarcity in her thoughts to find anything good.
And do I hold my head in shame? 
Do I bereft myself and eat dust because she shuns me.
O I hate rejection! I despise it.
I hate it because of my skin and what is beneath.
If I was another and in a better position she would have agreed and loved it.
But I am scared, afraid to go after another
And at the same time, I can only be honest with myself
And give what I have.
I cannot give what I do not have
And if it befits not her fancy then it is adieu.
She is tall and elegant -
A divine beauty.
The woman of my right hand!
But it is a dream  - yes another dream!!

Malima

K.Oni