Like it's pretend

 They told me not to worry 
But we in a hurry.
I wonder if I'll die making money 
Or die to self?
I often think 
Dear God why you love me?
When I nearly died
I saw the light 
You told me to go back.
Have I lost heaven
I have lost many friends.
If I lived many years ago
A monk's occupation 
I wouldn't deny.
But I love the drink
The women and the scene,
A Solomon in disguise 
Without the title of a king. 
Paul is my hero
One day I'll be a missionary
When did I fall asleep
Dear Lord, wake me from my current misery.
I love the time alone
But I've got to change,
Let me reach out first
And show love to all my kins.
I don't want to be a Judas
To find out in the end
He says depart from me
I never knew who you were.
Jesus is my joy
Make me deeply holy
I wonder how my life will end?
There is life after
But at the moment 
Why am I living like it's pretend?

K.Oni