Despair

He feels in his soul where the devil himself must dwell, the wretchedness of his sin and his unableness to rid himself of the power of it. He often sits alone in the darken dungeon satiated with a thirst for sin that he had not desired, but his flesh craved and longed for it. His mouth was dry of prayer for he feared the wrath of an angry God which would tumble upon him fiercer than the brimstone which wiped out Sodom and Gomorrah.

 He could not lift his eyes to the heavens for the lamb had become a lion who spits out sinners like him and treads upon their blood.

 He longed and yearned for death that the mountains may fall upon him but it never came. His guilt tortured him; and night after night the thorn in his faded flesh became the more agonizing. He could no longer cry but despair was his constant company.

No more a miserable soul have visited this earth than him, his pain of eternity having to dwell with those devils forced him to eagerly pray that there would be no eternity at least for the wicked, that after the sweet death of this life, annihilation may be true. But he knew his scriptures well and therein was the solemn distress of eternal hell for the wicked.

He covered himself with ashes and sackcloth and pondered about that righteous man Job and how the devil could not accuse him of any iniquity but God could only boast of him.

'How terrible is my case if I should be afflicted for I already am. Like a searing iron to my chest so is my pain and no one can alleviate', he often thought.

The doctors have diagnosed him with severe depression but they lack understanding of those things which are spiritual. The medicines he drank like water, but the ache lingers. The smiles which once delighted his soul have become death to him. Her warm touch he could feel no more and his pain doubled because his condition was killing her.

This was his prison and no one could be let in; he was locked in the cell of sin, and death has had its victory.

The whole party of hell, though they burn eternally, yet conjure up a smirky smile at the imminent arrival of his company. For a seat of torture had been prepared for him and the fixed barrier that separated that bliss from this hell was right above him, that his pain should be double measured for he had tasted and departed.

 That unpardonable sin he felt his soul had committed made the hardening of his state irrevocable.

K.Oni 

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