Discharge me from her friendship

 She is still in my thoughts lingering optimistically in my head.
What shall I do? Pretense is a hopeless purpose. 
If beauty had a face, her graceful face will always be beauty's choice. 
I cannot disclose such passionate reflection in conversation,
She will discharge me from her friendship with eternal silence. 
But I do not mourn for I am happily married
Taken by an arresting eye
That her jail is a cathedral to me. 

K.Oni

help me crucify every selfish way and desire

 Dear Lord, help me crucify every selfish way and desire. Help me be the light who reflects the light of Christ. O to be selfless and consider others first. Help me walk in step with the Holy spirit. Heal me of all my diseases. In crucifying all of my selfish ways, may I serve without bounds knowing that nothing done for the Lord Jesus is done in vain. O, may I love endlessly and sacrificially given my whole life knowing that in Christ I gain all that there is to gain. 

K.Oni

Pray for all

I love to pray and how sweetly did I pray today. In my desires, I prayed for all I wanted and then rested on His will to be done. I prayed for the happiness of many who did not seek my happiness and was thoroughly convinced that they did not pray for me. O, I prayed for their happiness and joy. For God to shine His wonderful face upon them. I prayed for long old friends. I prayed for friends who no longer thought of me, friends whom I have forgotten, people with whom we did not see eye to eye on the important matters, I prayed for those who rejected me with cause and those without cause. I prayed for all of their happiness and my heart felt strangely warm. 

K.Oni

Incline your ears to my misery

May I always do the things, yes the better things pertaining to salvation.
The depths of my wickedness is great.
How I mourn at my own miseries.
May I learn to serve my friends and my enemies.
May I love all with that sweet love of God.
O mercy on my miserable head
Shower me with your cleansing hyssop and I shall be clean.
Wash my feet, O Lord
Incline your ears to my misery.
Forgive me for all of my trespass. 

K.Oni

If God wills, I will live and do this or that

If God wills I will live and do this or that. 

The decisive willing in all of my doing is God. To use an example, If God wills, I will eat breakfast tomorrow morning before I go to work or not. I want to have breakfast but the decisive willing, in eating my breakfast is God. This is why James rebukes the attitudes of those who presume that their will is sovereign. James says, “Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil.” James‬ ‭4:13-16‬ 

Prov 19:21 says “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.” It is the Lord's will that stands and it always does. There is no situation where His sovereign will does not stand because nothing in this world is independent of Him. We all have our being in God. 

It is right to plan and to will because we are called to do this. But all of our plans and willing is always subject to if the Lord wills. This is the Christian way of life. the Christian knows this. It is not luck or chance for those things are nothing, but it all depends on God, so we pray. Let your will be done!

K.Oni 

The ones I could never forget

New love has dawned on me.
How Marvelous and inspiring -
We speak long into the night
And sweetened are the days with her.
Yet, old love remains,
The ones I could never forget
That I will carry until eternity ends.

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane

 Dear Sunny

I feel that friendship is not in her heart for me even though she declares it. Her eyes pity me because she is unable to return my love. What would friendship yield to one who is besotted with her? O, a sweet one because I have learnt to desire the good of my enemies and there is no feeling greater than the loving passion for a woman. Even this I can discard and wish for her eternal happiness. I desire that her life is full of bliss and that the good Lord blesses her a hundredfold just like how I have desired for the many before her who have eschewed me. That bitter vice of jealousy is not in me as she is not mine but God who owns her. And God has seen to it in his infinite wisdom that we should not be and yet I pray against this and yet I pray for His will be done and yet pray for her felicity. O, my gift to her is happiness even though I have no part in it. It is happiness that I give her at the cost of my life to obtain.  

Your sweet hopeful friend

Inis 

K.Oni

Forgive me

 When will I be perfectly righteous as to always chose holiness?
O, may my desire be so good that I forsake all that displeases my Lord!
Lust of the eyes, that evil fiend that ensnares me
Lust of life, that devil that keeps me in fear
Lust of the flesh, that weakens me to chose the world.
O three devils, do know that Christ has defeated you 
And I will rise each day, no matter how many battles I have lost,
I will rise in tears and go to war again.
Like Job, you cannot take my life, yea you cannot take my eternal life
But you can take my daily joy of which I will not easily surrender.
O, may I tell the truth at all times and bring joy to the fellowship of all goodness.
Forgive me my great king of my vast wickedness,
Forgive me!

K.Oni

The Writings of Sunny Canne

 Ah Sunny, see my words below. I hunger to be a better man and a better lover. I will see you soon my one true friend but read over my words and confession to a lady:

I said words that I didn't mean; like I could never be neutral towards you as your blueish eyes looked upon me in pity. I lied as I struggled to find words to convince you to love me and those words pushed you further away. 

You inquired why I desired you and my lies reached new heights. In truth, I desired you and despaired many nights over you but not to the depths I had you imagined. O I am a wicked man and you did well in disobeying my call. Many women have been ruined by my sweet words and although I lack charm, even more, my intimacy is insufficient. 

I am a man whose head is always in another place. My lips may be with your lips but my brain is elsewhere. Many have said my kisses and caresses are sweet, but it is the sweetness of a bad thing. Loving me would have been your greatest sin. 

There is not a relationship that I have enjoyed so much as to not dance with another. My feet are always moving from the beach to the secretness of a dark room where you are not present. And although I will always look upon you with great affection, and will always desire your company, you did well to completely remove me from your friendship. 

Many women have been ruined by keeping me around and I must say that I am a better man than I was. I was always wooing some lady whom I desire no love from, but it made me glad to see her affections for me in her eyes. This reduced my loneliness because My dear Sunny is never around. He is the only one who erases all of my deep sadness. 

Forgive me fair lady and all of the ladies before - My confession springs for my newfound joy in something deep that is immaterial. They tell me that you are now thrilled with love. You have reached the love of your life and he has accepted you forever. For this, I raise my glass and toast to your eternal happiness. It is strange for me to write this for no one demanded it. Perhaps this is my therapy as your ears have no more time for my speech. 

I remember the long nights of gazing at your feelings. You searching my mind to see the deep agonies that I refused to disclose. You marveled at my knowledge and I was awed by your unbounded ways. As much as I was intimidated by you, I felt safe but not so safe as to tell you that another beauty much like you, perhaps even better also had my heart. 

Whatever our friendship was, it was to me a sweet passage of time. I don't know if I ever loved you for what love is, I do not know if I am capable of such a thing as to love a woman entirely in a way that I will always be present, only time will tell.

Time will tell me if I will overcome my aches and time will tell me if I will finally surrender myself into the hands of a woman. 

Those were my words, Sweet Sunny. I will visit soon and let us go by the river to enjoy the quiet waters of where much of our childhood was spent. O, those ravishing days my Sunny. You taught me to love but I moved away too soon for your teaching to reach its maturity in my heart. You are my sun and my sky - yours is a friendship I will gladly die for.

Forever yours - 

David 

K.Oni

You feel the same

The lovely ray shines forth,
Her Scarlett hair that I do adore.
O what a glow I feel for you and you look at me with a lovely hue.
Yet we cannot mix -
From afar we look
But I hear you feel the same - my golden bird, my luminous evening moon.

K.Oni

What ills and troubles are currently in your life?

In all of my ills, how can I be so grieved as to want to curse God when I know that he works it all for my good. Like Habakkuk, in tears I say, “Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk‬ ‭3:17-18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Habakkuk goes on to say, “God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer’s; he makes me tread on my high places. ” Habakkuk‬ ‭3:19‬ ‭

You see the strength to overcome all of our ills and grieves and disappointment comes from the Lord. The grief is real, the decline is real, sometimes there will be no one to love us and our friends will cut us off from the fold, our lover will betray us, depression will hit us, our health will fail, we will fail others and ourselves, there is no minimizing this. It is real and raw and thus to survive it, God's strength is real and unshakeable. It makes us stand in the storm and enables us to endure the lashes that will lead us to Calvary and on that cross of pain we take our last breath, and because we have the strength of the Lord with us - we do not curse but say, Father forgive them and unto your hand, I commit my spirit.

What ills and troubles are currently in your life? Are anxiety and depression the crushing blows that attack you to misery? O, is it loneliness? Is it poverty? Is it rejection? Is it a past trauma? Is it a desire to have someone so close and they discard you? Is it a mother's disdain?  is it a debilitating illness? Is it a broken heart? Whatever it is, O, consider Job who was hit with the strongest blows from the devil, he was bashed and belted with all of the disorders of life except for death, and in all this, it is said of him, 'Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.' 

Dear friend, God is in control. Let His kindness in all of your ache bring you closer to him in repentance. Habakkuk declared when he envisioned the misery that may come that He will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Saviour. We will do well to adopt the same frame of mind. So, in all of our tears and groaning, we are joyful because God is in control. The host of hell will not rejoice over us in our misery saying look how despondent the children of God are, but as they watch us in our misery, their anger will increase a million fold because instead of complaining without hope, they see us rejoicing in the God who gives us strength. Our feet will be like a dancing deer!

K.Oni

I love God's Sovereignty.

 I would say perhaps the most comforting of doctrine for me is God's Sovereignty. This is always followed by God's love for me because whatever happens to me is under His control and He permits it all for my good. 

This is comforting because ultimately I go to God for all that happens to me and how can I be mad when his motives are pure towards me. If I am mad, I am furious at myself for falling into sins He has warned me to keep from. But when calamities befall me, especially injuries of the heart which are the worst of ills, I turn to God. 

I ask why and upon reflection I ask why not me. What did I ever deserve but the worst as I am the worst of sinners. I merit no happiness except the happiness to come because I am in Christ Jesus. And even this I did not have the right to. It was grace that kissed me in my bed of worthlessness. 

So when tribulation materializes upon me, I kiss the hands that permitted it. How can I be mad at the greenish-blue eyes that rejected me? How can I be discontent at my present stage in life which is beneath my expectations? How can I be unhinged by all of my failures, all of which I am sorry for. Tomorrow is a new day, a day of mercy guided by Sovereign hands.

So, I am ever comforted that my life is not directionless, even though I feel it is unindustrious, but it is guided by his grip who often dashes me against the quarry of agony. But my allotment is tamed compare to others. After all, I have not yet given my life in my struggle against sin. 

It will all work out for my good. This good is the good determined by the kindness of my God who loves me dearly and gave His Son for me. Therefore, at each turn of bruise and discomfort, especially the heart's wounds, I embrace Him and praise Him for he holds me and am gladful that I am in his hands rather than the evil hands of my enemies. 

K.Oni

Each dream brings you closer

 There is something about you without fear
Which is inside you, I cannot explain my attraction.
Perhaps the battle is lost but not the war!
I must release my obsession but each dream brings you closer. 
O to denounce you in the morning 
Vouching to lose consciousness of you,
But my will to disregard your beauty is unconquerable.
Perhaps, it is not the time to emancipate myself from you. 

K.Oni

When was the last time the Holy Spirit led you?

When was the last time the Holy Spirit led you? How did you know that it was the Holy Spirit?

Let each one reflect on how they are led by the Spirit if they have been led at all. Have you recently prayed about a decision that you were not sure about and after prayer was there clarity?

Did you feel the Holy Spirit leading you? Did you acknowledge his guidance or was your acknowledgment after the fact, that is after the guidance had taken place that upon reflection you realised that it was the Holy Spirit that has led you.  

Whatever way we feel that the Holy Spirit leads us, one thing is for sure namely that the Holy Spirit will never lead us to sin. His ways are ways of righteousness. The Holy Spirit is God and we should never say when tempted, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone, (James 1:13). 

Jesus indeed was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. The Spirit is not the tempter. Likewise, we can be led into the wilderness to be tested and we ought to always pray, lead us not into temptation, that is for the temptation not to overcome us. But deliver us from evil. 

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy

I knew a sad boy who came to me and said: 

Ah she is repelled by  me - she detest me. But she thinks not of me so how can that be hate? It is apathy which is worse than hostility. But it is not even that. It is an outright abomination. An humiliating pity. Life is life which gives sour medicine - I desire to laugh and thrust it off for I will not be hung up on a woman’s amen. Goodbye my love, you were only my love in my head - goodbye my grief-stricken song I will sing you no more.

K.Oni

My sins are great

 Forgive me Lord, my iniquities are great.
O mercy and grace for your lowly servant.
May I not be a hypocrite. 
In all of my weaknesses may I always seek your face. 

K.Oni

What am I doing in my own strength?

Without Christ I can do nothing (John 15:5). What are all the things that I am trying to do without Christ? This is to say that what are the things I am trying to do in my own strength? 

Upon reflection, the things I am trying to do in my own strength is to bring about the desired results that I want, namely success in the flesh so that I can walk proudly in this world. We will come back to this. Let us focus on what Jesus said to his disciples. 'Apart from me, you can do nothing.' 

Someone may say but each day we see many men and women do a great deal in the world. There are billions that are not in Christ who have advanced the world greatly. They have done something rather than nothing. We must acknowledge that this passage is speaking about those in Christ bearing fruit as it pertains to the Kingdom of God. But also, there are men and women that are not in Christ who are not Christians, who are not abiding in Christ so consequently they cannot bear fruit for they are not in the vine. It is said elsewhere that for whatever does not proceed from faith is sin, (Romans 14:23). This is to say as Augustine puts it: 

'Not that you may say, “Before I believed I was already doing good works, and therefore was I chosen.” For what good work can be prior to faith, when the apostle says, “Whatsoever is not of faith is sin”?' (Nicene and Post-Nicene Fathers, Vol. 7). 

So, those that are not in Christ are really doing a great deal of nothing because it does not proceed from faith and therefore it is not done for Christ which ultimately makes it vain. It is sinful although the benefits may result in a great deal of benefit for mankind. For example, the atheist who feeds the poor has done in worldly terms a good thing but this very thing does not please God because as it says in Hebrews 11:6 that without faith it is impossible to please God.  

Faith and action are two sides of the same coin if it is to please God. And this faith will naturally proceed from the people who are in Christ and they are the ones who can bear true lasting fruit. On the day of judgement it is not the act alone that will be judged but the motives too which is where all that are without Christ will be found wanting. Let me not be found wanting in my motives. May I do all that I do in faith which will glorify God.  

Now to go back to what I started with in asking the question, what are the things that I am trying to do in my own strength? To ask this another way, what are the things that I am doing without faith? Faith will leave the end results to God's good pleasure.  

In my work, sometimes I work in my own strength and forget that I am really doing this for Christ so I ought to always display that Christian attitude and energy even if it is contrary to my work expectations. I must work in the strength of Christ and always in faith. I will do well if I do a thing and say into your hands I commit my deeds.  
 
In my relationships, sometimes I want all to like me so much so that I play the man. I am not resting on the strength of Christ. Or I am so lazy in maintaining relationships that I am not walking in the strength of Christ and would rather eschew my responsibility so as to avoid all hurt and pains. 

At times, I fail to honour my parents.  Whatever it may cost me, I should not be afraid to lead a lady or pursue her whom I so desire even if she refuses me because I walk in the strength of Christ. And I should not play the field as to take upon myself a non-Christian lady and lead her on for in this I am not walking in the strength of Christ but fulfilling my own desires because of a lack of faith that Christ can fulfil my needs. I should not be so weakened by past rejections that I fail to trust anyone or love anyone. Faith forgets what is behind and presses continuously towards Christ. Christ is able to heal if I walk in his strength.  

I should be content with what I have and at the same time strive to increase in all avenues in the strength of Christ. Ambition is a great thing and even greater when grounded in Christ. Christ would see that his disciples go about all the earth to make disciples of every people. Jerusalem was not enough!  

I have many failings and I have done many things in my own strength. My prayer is that this becomes less and less and that each day I always remember that I have Jesus and can always do all things through him who gladly strengthens me.  

K.Oni 

The Spirit puts me in place

 Let me tell you straight up that you are a beauty
I am enamoured by your cheeks and your eyes
It's serenity. 
I imagine kissing your lips and serving you for all eternity.
I pray and I plead 
In the end, I say let His will be done.
I know that you don't love me
My status disappoints you.
I sigh, and each night I drink a fifth of Hennessy.
Long legs and brown hair, you are a curse 
That keeps cursing me.
I wish I had no feeling 
Or you straight up blocked me.
Why do I feel, I wish God will free me.
So I reach out and entice ladies to numb the pain,
But I could never complete
The Spirit puts me in place. 

K.Oni

Reflecting God's character

 There are many ways in which I want my life to reflect the Character of God. The first of this is to be holy. God demands of his people, "You shall be holy, for I am holy" (1 Peter 1:16). God's holiness is his absolute separateness from all other beings or things in existence. Hannah sings in 1 Samuel 2:2, “There is none holy like the LORD: for there is none besides you; there is no rock like our God." It is not this holiness that I am after but after the ethical holiness of God. God calls us to resemble his ethical holiness to be pure as he is pure. My holiness consist in living a life of righteousness as God as revealed. I am to do what is good as Micah 6:8 puts it, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?" This is to be my daily relationship with the world and with my neighbour. O, I am to kiss kindness and embrace humility and distribute justice.  

Another way I want my life to reflect the character of God is to be full of love. 1 John 4:8 tells us that "Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love." This is who God is and if I claim to know God then I must love. This love consists in a given of my self to the needs of the people. As 1 John 3:17 states "If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person?" This love is not merely in thought but in deed. The ultimate love was shown by God in given us his Son. John 3:16 states, "For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son". See, here we see again that love is a given. It is not a passive thought but a thinking with action. Love walks and runs and fights and ultimately gives. It gives away that which is most precious to us namely our lives. Christ said, "This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." 

 
I want my life to be marked by giving. O may I not spare anything if it contributes to displaying love to my friends. It is said of God in Romans 8:32 that "He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" God is a giver. He will ultimately give us all things. The sanctified in heart will know that this all things are things that pertains to our blessedness as it is written in Ephesians 1:3 "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms."  

O my friends, here are all my things. Here is my life in the service of you all so that Christ my saviour can be magnified. The love I have is not my own but it is the love of Christ that is in me. His love has become my love! May I reflect his generosity and humility. Christ emptied himself and took the form of a servant. The messiah is the one who serves and we are called to serve him and to serve each other. Love is a constant giving and in this giving we are receiving. It is a double edged sword. We are receiving from God and if the church is as it should be in loving one another, then all the members will all be receiving and given love. O, what a holy atmosphere! The angels will marvel and that observation of old that was said of the early church by the pagan world will be said of us, 'Look how they love one another!' 
 
O, teach me how to love dear Lord. Teach me your holiness! Pray this prayer for your soul. Ask and you shall receive!  

K.Oni 

Blessed be your name

 Blessed be your mighty name o God of love and all wonders.
You give life and you take away.
At any moment you may call me home
In that hour may I be glad to honour your call.
O I wrestle with you until you bless me.
Strike me, and you will see that I will never let you go.
How I wish that you will bring me my Rachel or Sarah
But do as you please, your pleasure is my delight. 

K.Oni

Run my race

 My Christian walk is not a sprint but a marathon. I am often exhausted because I feel so far behind. I am discouraged because by now I ought to be a teacher but yet I am having to take in again the milk of the faith. But where is the finish line for me? Where exactly are my on my upward journey to heaven? At times I feel like I have entirely screwed up and I am on my way to hell.

But I must not be so discouraged because there is more 'mercy in Christ than there is sin in me'. I cling to the righteousness of Jesus and like Paul I must do the one thing which is to forget what lies behind and press on towards the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ.

The reality is that God has called me in Christ. He has placed me on the starting line on the track and He will see to it that I finish it. No matter how weary my legs become, I have the strength in Christ to press on for it is God who works in me to accomplish his will. Besides, I am not on the track alone. If I look around me, there are my brothers and sisters in the race with me and even though we all run our own race, yet it is not a cheat if we help each other. The strong will help the weak and the Spirit helps us all.

I ought to be thinking that who can I be helping this week and who can I enlist to help me. The Christian life is sweet in fellowship and although there is one whom I would love to fellowship with because I have positive affections towards her, yet I must not be so blinded that my fellowship is offered in such a selfish way. I must love all with the love that Christ has loved me and not be hesitant to lay down my life for my brothers and sisters. 

K.Oni

So plain

Is she the reason I will die for love,
March the earth to find Christ' dove.
All the world had a tale to tell,
Of her whom I delight to draw water from her bottomless well.
If grief had a face, mine would be a perfect fit.
We are in different lanes,
She would not have seen something so plain.

K.Oni

Depths of woe

 Where are you my dear?
Do you see me pining under the darkest of nights?
O my life it topples under this weight of grief
Your beauty, my only hope eludes me 
Secluding me to the depths of woe.

K.Oni

Another excellence

 What should my move now be?
Should I embark on a hearty attempt to win her
Will this course of action result in my loss of her.
But if I keep it the same, nothing will change.
She will end up in the arms of another anyway.
What have I to lose but her? 
Grant me a sign dear Lord
For I know now that I must change my frame.
She is to me a perfect picture
A constant moment of wonder
Yet will she be illusive and I will be alone 
To search the earth for another excellence!

K.Oni

My sins are deep

 My sins are deep
Deeper than the sea.
I always want to feel close to Jesus,
Help me Holy Spirit maintain my aim.
Help me keep focus on the only prize worth having for all eternity.

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy

 I knew a sad boy who came to me and said 

Is she my cross to bear? To carry to the hills of Golgotha, and lay to rest. But she is no sin nor vice nor a temptation but a delight I cannot have. It seems my head will explode with the constant thoughts of all of her ways. Oh how her beauty has impressed itself on me, dear God let me have her or cease my desires. She is ten leagues above me, am I destined to enjoy her from afar. 

K.Oni

She says that she is the perfect catch

She says that she is the perfect catch and this I do believe.
Her height is glorious but is she above me?
My Juliet but I am not her Romeo,
Alas, I do despair,
I take my grief to God above and after many please I cried out,
Your will O Lord be done.
Indeed it was done as she took his hand as I watched the tide,
I knew the lie I told my heart that I was merrily glad.

K.Oni

I prayed to God

I prayed to God for help today at work and he helped me. It went well. Always pray about everything for who knows which one the Lord will answer. he always hears and will answer according to the counsel of his will. Nevertheless, He is always favourable towards us even in the pain.

K.Oni

Misery is not my portion

 Well, what should I say?
Shall I be troubled because of her?
I mind my own business
And face my days all on my own. 
I often think of her
Often appreciating her ways.
But shall I mourn?
Last night I smiled remembering when we first met
Now I know that she has found somebody else.
Shall I grieve?
Misery is not my portion!

K.Oni