Miscellanies 87: I hate myself

I hate myself because of my sins. The reason for this is because my sins takes me away from that original image in which I was created. For you see dear reader, man was originally good and was to have about his character and nature all those loveliness normally attributed to the deity, or we can say, those fruits that grows and falls off from the wings of the Spirit. Man was created to be full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control and purity. This was to be the distinct mark of mankind when angels come to visit the earth. Tell me dear reader, which country has set up laws against these divine melodies? If there is such a country, then I believe that its head of state is in conjugal with the devil. For you see beloved reader, that against these things there is no law against them in heaven, nor should there be on earth.

And it is why I hate myself so much, for in me is found many things which are the exact opposite of those divine melodies. It is ever present in my bosom and it is deep in my heart that it brings me much sorrow and despair. At times in the late evenings or early mornings, I would mourn over my sins, yea over the sins of my soul, declaring to leave them on the shores of today's banks so that when the sweetness of tomorrow arrives on the wings of the blazing sun, I shall be free from them. But nay, it never happens as I imagine, for when tomorrow disembarks, I am still with my old sins, although some of them I have left behind on the shores of yesterday.

And so I hate myself in regards to the veracity that I am still with my old sins and still found to slip under old temptations. It is indeed as that famed Apostle said, namely 'what a wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?'

I believe that this is the cry of many who are under the bondage of some kind of sinful activity. Even those who are not and have been set free from the power of sin, yet if they have any trueness about them, they too long for that day when there shall be no more sin found in them. Do not misread me in calculating or attributing that in me saying that I hate myself is equal to me saying that I have no worth. Far from that dear reader. I and you have infinite worth because of Him who declared our worth because we were made in his image. And even though we have so fallen, almost to the same depth as Lucifer, yet your image is a man, and as man created in his image I am to treat you.

So I do hate myself and it is because of my sins. This is the fight that wearies my soul, that makes me shrink back from humanity, that brings me many discouragement, and at times tempted to go the way of Judas. Our sins is the reason why there is much conflict in the world, why some despots would use chemicals on their own civilians. It is a terrible shame, an un-glory to God that mankind has fallen far from those divine melodies and now their tune is sour to the ears of God and angels and animals.

There are those who hate themselves because of their looks. O what nonsense! Do not hate yourself for that which you cannot change. Your appearance is not your worth. But if you are to have something against yourself, mourn over your sins. Yea, those things which have slung you far away from God's throne. Mourn over that and do it godly. For Godly sorrow brings one to repentance. But if you are found to be one who hate yourself because of your appearance, then I do have a bottomless well of mercy for you. And if you are depressed because of some sort of reason other than your sin, then I do have a heaven of pity for you. And if it is because of your sins that you terribly hate yourself, then there is nothing I can do for you other than to point you to him who is the outstanding physician that deals with the ails of sinners. He has the exact medicine to give their illness. And to him I direct you, namely to Jesus Christ who is known as the friends of sinners.

The only redeeming instrument is Jesus Christ. And because of him and his righteousness, I can love myself with all the love in the world. Go to him now. It is cross that always separates you from your sins. Yea, from the guilt and the condemnation.



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