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We both fell asleep

Why do i care about what happens to her. Her happiness seems to be mixed up with mine. When she is unhappy I worry about her. Will she make the same mistakes? Is she crying? Is she lying on her bed wanting to take her own life? Will she make the same mistakes? That last question lingers much on my mind especially when I am alone with myself. I cannot sleep because I worry about her. My feelings rise and my heart begins to ache. Why do I feel like this? Why did I let myself get into this position. I wish I had no care. I wish my death would come tomorrow, yea for me to eternally go to sleep because I see that I have no future. There is nothing I can do in this world. I am no good. And although I think that she once thought well of me, I think that she is now thinking of another. When she was thinking well of me I delayed my love towards her. But now I feel for her and I fear that she no longer feel for me. What sadness! what aches! But life is such that one must move on. I wish I had something to do but I have nothing at all. A poor man is a burden to his family and his friends, because he is always looking for money to borrow to pay his debts. I have many and I have hardly any hope of paying them. O to die in peace and leave all my worries and sorrows on this green earth.

So I crumble the tablets in the water. I shake and stir. I put the glass on my lips and put it back down again. I hold my head and bring it down to my chest. I rise up from my chair to look into the bathroom mirror. I splash cold water on my face. I take three deep breathes and go back to my bed. The water still sits on the bedside table. I go to bed only to wake up that she came around last night and had drunk half of the water. I tremble as I saw her body laying lifeless. She was the only thing keeping me alive. I call for the ambulance. I wrote a quick note. Then closing my eyes I picked up the half glass of water and drank it all in one gulp. My vision got blurry. I lay next to her placing her left arm on my chest. My face kissed her cheek and slowly and happily I drifted into the world beyond this one. I fell asleep. We both fell asleep.



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