Upward call to Heaven (3)
Two weeks have since passed since my decline in health and today brings with the sunrise a healthy appetite for an outdoor walk. My bed had been my companion far to long and a change of scenery will do splendours for my young mind. Amelia promised to meet me before the morning ends to go for a stroll in the open fields and there she would spill on me all that she had learnt in class. I was doubly excited for once again I shall enjoy the gaping air and to tell Mother of the progress of my reading of scriptures. God has been very good to me and I think that it was my careful attention to His words which brought about my quick recovery. I pondered that what if I should live a life free of sin, then I should be the most healthy of boys and grow to be strong and wise like Jesus for he knew no sin. Jesus lived without sickness according to the biblical accounts and I reasoned that it was because he was sinless for bad deeds brings about bad troubles and infirmities. Here in my discovery, I was zealed to live a righteous life wherein I knew no sin and thus infirmity and sickness I shall never know. But my fantasy was short lived as I pondered in my soul that a million sins I must have committed before and if I should be punished for each one then my efforts would be useless to attempt to maintain a righteous life for I do not have a million days to live. I sighed on my bed with a frowning countenance at such a system and wondered why God would have it this way. Those were my thoughts while sickness occupied me but today brings a fresh renewed passion to the goodness of life.
Mother called me down to come and eat. She had been baking all morning and I would have been a helper but Mother restrained my hands until I was fully recovered. I loved each morning to see my Mother’s gentle eyes, she is a remarkable mortal, the first fruits of God’s creatures and it is impossible for any being to miss her beauty. I prayed many times that I may be like mother, for I feared that a soul like myself had no possibility of entering heaven unless I was changed to be like Mother. She does everything with great simplicity and fondness and when she prays she is ever so satisfied and joyful. But when I pray, I am greatly uncomfortable for I thoroughly believed that God must not love me because of my disposition and prayer was a chore, rather than a delight.
I drew near to Mother and she grabbed my cheek and examined my face; a smile twinkled in her eyes and with a rush of love she hugged me and bid me to sit and eat. ‘Your strength as returned, it seems good to the Lord to shine his mercy upon you. I am happy to see your countenance return and what beam you have upon your face’. Mother is a cheerful soul and it pleased my soul more to see the joy on her face of my recovery than it pleased me. I sat and ate the tasty dough and told Mother of my readings of scripture but I refrained from telling her my thoughts. I told her of my meeting with Amelia before the morning ends and joy swelled her face. Mother is happy of my keeping company with Amelia for she is a good influence and a well kept garden. She could only be for my good and improvement.