If you wish that your husband will talk
to you – or talk to you more often- or talk to you on a deeper
level then this book is for you. What it offers are principles and
techniques that the authors claim has worked time and time again in
getting husbands who typically don’t talk – or don’t talk much
– to begin sharing their thoughts, feelings, and emotions with
their wife.
In one of the stories told about a
wife's complaint to Bob (one of the authors) that her husband won't
talk, she challenged Bob to see if he could get her husband to talk
and then remarked that “It won't do any good.” Bob decided to
take her up on her dare to see if he could get the woman's husband to
talk. Bob met up with the woman's husband and to his surprise the man
began to talk and for the next thirty minutes Bob realised that he
had said less than a dozen words. Wondering why the guy's wife had
made such accusation that he wouldn't talk, Bob mused that perhaps
maybe there aren't any men who cant talk. Maybe there are only some
men who have never been listened to.
The book is full of these kind of
stories, advice which the author have given and as a result bore real
fruit.
The authors offer seven reasons why men
won't talk to their wives and I'll list just a few. Buy the book when
it comes out to read the rest and the reasons why the authors have
chosen these seven reasons why men won't talk to their wives. The
reasons below are not listed in numerical order as it is in the book:
1. Men don’t talk because they are
afraid of their thoughts and ideas will be criticized and rejected.
2. men don’t talk because they do not
believe they are as verbally skilled as their wives.
3. Men don’t talk because they don’t
want to appear emotionally weak.
This book emphasises the necessity for
a wife to have a listening ear. A wife needs to take the advice James
gave to his community when he wrote, “my dear brothers and sisters,
take note of this: Every one should be quick to listen, slow to speak
and slow to become angry.” This is because words are little pieces
of a woman's soul and women would rather talk just to talk but men
will talk if they are already doing something else. A wife who has a
silent husband at home will need to understand this and perhaps join
her husband in doing activities that he likes to do.
As well as listening, asking the right
questions is instrumental in getting one's husband to talk. Always
start with questions people are comfortable to talk about. A good
practical advice I believe that is commendable for all situations.
The next quotation comes with an 18+
warning. 'Many wives have long desired for their husbands to
understand the vital place of foreplay in preparing them to engage in
sexual intimacy. One of the most common complaints wives have is, “he
is so eager to reach the main event for him that he doesn't take
the time to bring me along with him”. In a similar manner, your
husband requires conversational foreplay in order to respond to your
desire for a deeper discussion.'
Ask him questions that he is
comfortable with. Do not be eager to 'reach the main event' of heart
to heart conversation. Take the time to bring him along. This is an
advice I personally will heed to when conversing with men in relation
to discipleship and mentoring.
Bob and Cheryl Moeller suggest seven
questions that can reach his heart. I will list a few. 1. What is the
most fulfilling aspect of your job? 2. Who is the one person you
admire most and why? 3. What’s the best compliment anyone ever paid
you?
This book does not shy away from
addressing heart issues like sin. A women is not always to be blamed
for her husband's silence and likewise a wife needs to examine her
own heart so that she is not harboring bitterness towards her
husband due to his emotional neglect of her communicative needs.
Bitterness writes the married couple 'is a settled decision not to
forgive, and it builds enormous walls in relationships.' If your
husband senses that you still hold things against him and won't
forgive him of his past mistakes then he is going to keep silent or
not want to talk to you. 'Bitter roots produce bitter fruits in a
marriage.'
On a more lighter note, 'make food and
men will arrive. We have often jokingly (actually not so jokingly)
tell single women interested in attracting a man that one of the most
effective strategies involves just one word: food. “make it and
they will come.”
At the end of each chapter there are
discussion questions to talk through which indicates that this book
is available for small-group use.
I am not a husband and not a wife so
what did I gain from reading this book and why did I continue to read
it? First of all this book is beneficial to both genders in two ways.
1. Most of the advice offered are suitable for both genders and it is
rooted in scripture and experience. 2. One day if the Lord wills, I
too will become a husband unless my portion is that of Christ and
Paul of which I am content with. O to be like Christ in every way and
of that apostle who was born at an untimely hour. As a husband I will
understand the necessity of opening my heart to my dear sweet Christ
saturated wife and of the greatness my conversation nourishes her
feminine want for dialogue. I will spot quickly the faults in me of
why I am neglecting her and spot the lame faults in her which have
created a barrier in me. Also in addition, I can offer advice to
husbands in keeping them accountable whether they are neglecting this
vital duty of communication with their God ordained wives.
If you have a silent husband or if you
are single and want to understand issues in marriage to do with
communication, I beseech you to buy this book when it comes out. It
offers godly advice and does not shy away in dealing with sin. It
offers the gospel.
Pre-order book at: http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Your-Husband-Talk-You/dp/0736952012
K.Oni
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