Miscellanies 54: Receiving prayer
There are days when I awake feeling the comprehensiveness of my sins or swimming in my sea of unrighteousness that I cannot look beyond the horizon to gaze at the unending righteousness that is so large and not my own. All I see is the multitude, the greatness and vastness of my iniquities unsuitable as an offering to the Lord. I look inside to see if there is an inch of cause to rejoice, but there is none. I am swallowed deep in my wallow, I am like one in a deep mire. I have no means of escape unless it comes from outside of me. I know much of the theological doctrines of justification but this morning I have only applied the theory of it and not the application. I must feel it in order to be restored and my soul fears that awful principles which only devils would nourish namely, 'shall we sin so that grace may abound.' The source of my release or that which was to put a stop to my rotten thinking which would have gradually rose till the end of my day, or until God saw it fit to sovereignly uplift me from my prison was this, the dear prayers and words of friends. They prayed over me, which did make me smile bringing that inner tranquility which I at times ruin like Samson or Peter because we did not heed the voice of faithfulness. But in their prayers, in the simplicity of the placing on of hands, in the giving of encouragement I was restored. In one of the words spoken, I felt it to be entirely true, I am a key that opens doors and will not go in myself until all the weary and lost have found a seat for their poor souls. I do love my Jesus, O I love him and I pray that I be not a Judas but a Paul, a John or a Mary who daily considers him, longing for his return and reign as it is done in heaven.