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The writings of Sunny Caane (5)

Another good old friend of mine, very religious and zealous but yet reminding me a little of my other old friend spoke to me on the same theme of love, painting me a rather one sided portrait of his love and possibilities of his emotions. I remember little Jimmy, a very whole character he was and still is. I have no doubt that when I see him again he shall bombard me with the usual topic of religion and philosophy and urge me to live zealously for the Jewish messiah. He is my late night coffee because when we are together sleep is given a break until the early hours of the morning. This is what little Jimmy wrote rather unjointly:

My dear Sunny, bear with me as I lay to you what is at the moment in the vein of my heart. With some, selfishness knows no bound and I must do away with any notion of jealousy or envy if she is taking by another. May God bless him and her shall be my departing words. Although my heart shall for a time dwell in sorrow, mourning the fact that she was never mine to hold, yet my heart will not linger in bitterness for agape love knows nothing of selfishness but always puts other people’s interest before their own. My chief interest is to love her and to have her, but she feels not the same way so I must put her interest first submitting to it and to do it willingly and cheerfully. For nothing must be done through selfish ambition; and my loving her and hating the person whom has captured her heart is the manifestation of my selfish ambition to have her, but nay, I must love both cats and dogs. I must look out for her interests and not merely mine. Her interest is to love him and not me so I will love him and not be rude or evasive of him. I shall try as much as grace is given me to love him as a friend, as a brother and to meet any of his needs in as much as I am able to. But in doing all this my heart is still broken hoping one day to mend when the king of heaven and earth returns to take me home. Such is the love that I have for her that I cannot love again, I cannot climb the hill of love because I have settled upon her mountain. Of course I love my Christ more. Selfish love is linked to pride and unselfish love is linked to humility. I must not be prideful in my loss of her but must show humility by my love. All this I have spoken in possibilities, it is not yet a reality. My dear Sunny i shall come to you soon before Mid December.



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