Friday, 9 December 2011
Miscellanies 23 - I do not belong in this place
My friend, lately it has come upon my soul, a great consideration that I do not belong in this place. I belong in a more fairer city where the atmosphere is forever fresh and there is no night and day. Trouble is long extinguished and sorrow is no longer to be found. I want away from this place, it is becoming too heavy for my soul; every avenue seems to me a lost road and every path a dead end. I live chiefly in my mind and that which I want the most I cannot attain. I find deep inside my heart those corrupt traits whose ends bring me misery of which I cannot alleviate. Oh help for this troubled sinner who wishes this hellish corruptions were forever done away with. I wish for them not to arise but they do, they appear like a ghost and feed a while, they drink and laugh at my own expense. I often have to fight it which is no pleasure to me at all and I could never extinguish their flames only dull it for a while. So I long for that summer city where these vices will not be known in any creatures living there - those who still possess such traits will be found somewhere else, a place not fitting for the most wicked devil. Oh, for help and grace; I need more constantly for the sake of my sanity that pure river to continually flow through my veins, that alien righteousness and its fruits. If I carry on riding through this troubled waves I should soon hit a rock lest I am taken by a purer current of righteousness.
Her beauty is the end of my dreams The shore on which my journeys end. To think that this filial faith Would deliver a golden gleam, God...