Miscellanies 62: Rising from the darkness
Last late evening, there was in me a deep melancholy theme, a sorrow that sat at the bottom of my stomach which made me dull to the colours of life. I sat still pondering the meaning of my ways and why certain things are the way they are. I questioned why these sudden outcome could not change, and what I could have done differently. Surely if I had a better zeal, a fearless character, an undisturbed love then perhaps I may have won the battle. But it is now lost of which the devil in his filthiness almost drove me hopeless. To combat his inflicting arrows I did say and tell my soul somewhere along the way, that God has everything in his hands and there is nothing that happens in this cosmos where it is not in some way his sovereign will. Everything that happens to me, happens for my good, every emotion felt, every deep pain I know serves a purpose which will glorify God and my fullness of joy. Thus this morning, my condition is much in an elevated state. It is peaceful and driven with passion to make something of this miserable life, to use my all to the glory of Christ. O none knows the sorrows of the darkness of sin save those who have felt it. O for mortification, O for feelings of righteousness. I wish and pray already that I was already glorified. That I was in some way free from sin, and in another way free of uncaused rising passions. I know that there is in this life a valley to walk, a mountain to climb and a race to run. Not knowing the longevity of my years, I feel mine is a race I must sprint, counting each day ever closer to the hour when I will kiss the end of my destiny. Now Father I pray, that today as I live this life that must be lived, I pray that I may cause someone to smile, someone to hear your goodnews, someone to become a lover of Christ, somewhere to witness your heavenly will.