I am defeated by love

I am defeated by love
The thunder of my life is gone.
I have no strength left,
No portion left worth taking,
My Lion's roar is gone!
Help!I cannot help myself
Bless! I cannot bless myself!
K.Oni

The beloved Queen of Awe

After all these years
Her beauty unfading, unfailing,
Hallowed, even the mighty thunder, bows
And chivalrous love in earnest ascends
To her sunlit chambers,
Where melody and meaning serve
The beloved Queen of Awe.

K.Oni

Jesus comes for me

Jesus, please come in and eat with me.
I am a sinner. You are holy!
But, I believe in your gospel
That in you I am righteous.
I rest in your perfection.
I have two loaves of bread and two fishes,
Hardly a dinner fit for a King!
But I set what I have before you with gladness
Because I know that I am loved by you,
That I am sought by you.
How glad I am that you came to knock for me 
To seek me with delight, to want me
Even after I have wronged you!
O what Love, what sweet love!
I am to pursue others in this way.

K.Oni

Poem: I have lost myself

I have lost myself in a dark alley
pining in the deep depths of relational woes.
Groping with no will to rise
Craving my own eternal demise.
What is this world, what is love?
Who am I after she has gone
Dead to me, alive to him!
Dead to me, I am dead to me.
Who am I? This human shape
Which once hoped in the light of day
Then in a day, or more, in successes of days
Isolation became my only way.
I fear the light of love
Hatred too I cannot adore
Feelings too severe severed from me
Loosing myself in this dark alley of isolation!

K.Oni

A prayer for my soul

I want to do well in this life for the sake of Christ my King.
Indeed! I am yours Lord, I surrender it all to thee
Use me as thou will, I will not begrudge your will.
Thank you Father, mercy each day to me you give
You have blessed me with all heavenly riches
May I not squander it on worthless things.
King of my heart, the joy of my soul,
Christ my King is all the time my own
May I never forget thee, have you always before me
And live this life for the sake of Christ my King.

K.Oni

All things end

When we first met
death was at the center.

All things end.

All things end!

I was once your love
Your sweet muse,

All things end,

All things end!

I choose to still love you
I want to forsake you
My contradiction;

All things end.

All things end!

I wait for the future news
That will send my present adieu.

All things end.

All things end!

K.Oni

Miscellanies 101

Dear Lord

What is your will for my life?

I know not save to be holy and to be like your Son Jesus Christ. So far I have failed spectacularly. It is to my shame that I have trampled upon your name. The fault is all mine, that is why I am not surprised that you have entrusted me with little - so little indeed; please do not take this away.

But I know that Christ will lead me all the way, and take me safely home. My heart at this moment is worn and sad, yet Christ comforts me still, although all my heartache is all my own.

I did put my trust in one, I placed my life in her hand -  a foolish thing for any a man, for any a soul, ought to put their trust in Christ! Thus I strayed from the way, even before I was wandering still, but time to time Christ found me weeping, comforts me and guides my way.

I neglected the fellowship, and find meetings friends a chore, I spend all my days alone, desiring my miserable self. But no joy; I ought to pray, for once I said Christ is the joy of all I am. Then when I in sorrow be, I ought to pray and praise, but guilt gets the better of me, and I wallow in self pity.

K.Oni

A prayer for my soul

Dear God, I hate myself because I sin against thee.
Every day I sin, sin which brings me so much misery
Yet you give me grace and look upon me with steadfast love.
I repent O Lord of my soul; and give myself to thee,
I know that you lead me every hour
May I forever follow your lead.
Keep guiding me through the storms and through the pastures too.
I will keep my eyes on you!
You will be my joy, each day will I meditate on you
I will love you and do all to your glory.
I know I fall far short, help me be like your Son
Holy Spirit do not forsake me
Enable me to do the heavenly will.

K.Oni

My Soul be content

My Soul be content
Happily suppress every discontent. 
Love not riches 
Or something, 
That God in his will
Has currently denied me.
Now I am poor
Alone and forsaken.
She is gone
Let me not grudge at the will of God!
My Soul be content
For every moment Christ is enough.

K.Oni

When was the last time you thought about the cross of Christ?

When was the last time you thought about the cross of Christ?

When was the last time you meditated on the Savior's suffering and victory?

How often does your church consider the death of Christ?

How often does your church root its theology on Christ and His sufferings, and victory?

I fear that many churches and Christians only visit the cross when Easter approaches or once in a while.

Christ and His Life, His cross and resurrection is the center of our faith.

Miscellanies 100 - I am happy

I am happy - happy like a flower in the bright sun after the morning dew. The joy of my salvation is restored and I feel like a weaned child, satisfied. Life is sweet, the merriment of love is a crown on my head. O wonderful Christ you have visited me and kissed me. Today I was full of gladness like the days of old. I had a beaming smile and a contented soul. I spoke with joy and talked to all, even spoke to one about the Lord of all. I quoted a passage from the fair bible and as I walked home I prayed but not as much as I did as when I was going to work. I am happy because Christ has not forsaken me, although some have as I have forsaken many more, in him I rejoice and humbly bow my head in glad submission.

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane; My sweet mother

My dear friend, it should be said that I am not so much of a congenial man as I thought. Today my heart is full of disdain and bitterness, because the world as I perceived is not as it is in reality. She did strike me with a blow, one so hard and harsh that it injured my trust of her, and forever distrust her motives!

Ah, she is a serpent, the worst kind! A sweet witch, a beseeching devil. She is a terror on my life although I am no angel. All her ways are full of deception and yet I cannot look past her horizon. O for help and grace to release me from this languishing despair. I can not rise although I rise to curse her a thousand times times ten thousand times. But my words are cloudy, mingled with the salt of hatred. Perhaps I should a sleep awhile, see the light in her life and the darkness in mine; perhaps this will halt my self righteous indignation. But as I look back seeking to find a lovely stream in my dreams, all that befalls me is a tornado and hurricane of her habitual emotions, lashed upon me like the waves batter against the coast. I was a beaten rock, worn from ever side, yet I maintained a smile a sweet outward appearance, bearing with her, covering her with love and patience.

But it is futile. My once lovely Mother, who kissed me as a child ruined my manhood. But the blame will never rest on her as far as I am concerned. I will keep forgiven until this anger is removed from me by the sweet embrace of eternal death. I wish to forget her like a lost age, erased from the memory of humanity! But I can not. She is my mother, the stone and the flesh in my heart!

Write soon Sunny Caane - her condition is deteriorating. Pray the heavens for mercy - it is still my duty to care.

With all the love in this world
Reema

Today I will enjoy today

Today I will enjoy today to the glory of God. I will not worry about tomorrow. Only the love of Christ and for Christ will consume me. Indeed I am counted righteous in Christ. God loves me, I must love myself and my neighbour, and my enemies.  I must keep away from sin!

Oh my soul, fret not about the rain. There is nothing beyond His control. Whatever befalls me is all by design. He has determined it all for me. Rest in His embrace; enjoy His fellowship.

My Lord and my God, help me today to see your beauty. To renounce all of my ungodly ways and enjoy you. Let me see the light of your glorious face. Fill me with assurance!

The nights and days of boredom have often led me astray. I am a child of knowledge, let me walk in he way of wisdom. Let me dwell in the house of understanding. See, the Lord is beautiful, His glory is magnificent and awesome. God is never boring1 Change my will and inclinations, let me seek your face in all that I do.

Life is fleeting and our moments are brief. Not many know the day of their deaths! keep me alert, keep me in your grace. Let me live as if today may be my last. Let me live in urgency.

Jesus you are meek. You are the door, the guiding light, you are the light!

K.Oni

Money was never made to be our felicity

Money was never made to be our felicity. But how many chase her like a dog chases its own tail. May I not love money but God. May I never trust money but trust God, that glorious Beauty who gives light and life to all there is. Money in comparison is pale to His colours. May I seek Him and not her.

Goodbye money, goodbye old desire! Welcome new desire, the love of righteousness is in my chest. And how I hug this love because it makes me embrace him. Farewell old ambition. I pursue thee no more, for you made me thirst without satisfaction. Now I thist after righteousness and there is sweet satisfaction.

Money was never made to be the end of my felicity, only a helper, and not a necessary thing, for I could be without money and still be goldenly happy.  

She sat still with open eyes

She sat still with open eyes, having a desire for that which was currently absent from her environment. Her will was to have him, and in another context her will was to kill him. She had a peculiar beauty, one that you would not find in another woman's eyes. Nay, she was all in a league of her own. And for that I fell in love like so many others, but my love was all in vain. Had I prescience knowledge, I would not have knocked on her door to declare to her my love, even though when I did, I had but a penny of hope.

Her soft eyes which at times were hard towards me was very full of pity, coupled with a patronising care. In that moment I had hoped that she was a Delilah, namely one who would play me and pretend that she loved me, whereas she was altogether in the employment for my enemies gain. At least I would have thought in that moment that she loved me; and when her treachery was at last uncovered, my consolation would have been the remembrance and sweetness in kissing her. But nay, none of this was my portion save an offer to go for an ice cream to discuss some irrelevant scientific discovery which has nothing to do with my love of train-spotting.

K.Oni  

Know me again

Dear Lord, see my life laden with guilt

Sorrowful days, sorrowful nights

That I am a traitor, forgive me Lord!

Know me again, know me now

Indeed I have been a worker of sin,

Lord, Lord, forsake me not

Refuse me not heaven's joy!

Today I fear to die

I fear to live,

My heart contains deep despair,

Come My God, kiss me deep!

Miscellanies - To serve God is the best of service

To serve God is the best of service. To live for God is the best of living. There is no higher good than to do all to the glory of God. He is the great King of the universe and we should be ravished by him, that is our souls should be so in love with God that we daily pine for Him. He is to be the longing of our hearts, the greatest desire of our souls.

Bless the Lord O my soul, all that is within me praise his Holy sweet name. For when my soul blesses God and seeks him first, all my hurt and pain goes away. All my crosses, yea the daily burdens I carry to Golgotha seems bearable. I no longer stumble under the oppression of sin, yea my own sins, for I look to Christ who daily comforts me.

To serve God is the best of service. Today I will praise you and give my heart to you. My heart will not be given to a woman or money, but to God for He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will not break my heart.

K.Oni

God continuously loves us

God continuously loves us, otherwise my love for him would not have grown. He daily sustains us, otherwise I would have fainted in my weakness.

He is the crown on my head, the eternal king of glory. He grants me new mercies everyday, Yesterday's sins forgiven and forgotten. What a wonderful love!

God is my father, he loves me everyday especially when I fail, his loving-kindness never ends. Oh I love him now, more than I did yesterday, and although my prayers fail, I know he works all things for my good.

He is full of joy, and when I am in despair he visits me, restoring my soul. Oh how I love him, but I often forget that he is always on my side. He will never leave me, though at times he hides his face.

Some days I ask, 'God where are you?'

In those days I pray, but in the end I always say that God is good, and rest in his providence. O I love my Lord, the king of all the universe. i praise you with my life, please use all of me. And when I die, a glorious day that will be, seeing you face to face, your radiance will fill my hear with endless joy!

K.Oni

I feel the sweetness of God's peace

I feel the sweetness of God's peace - the wonderful calm it does bring to a troubled soul tossed about by life's troubled winds. Now serene by his gentle voice,  whispering peace to my despairing soul!

K.Oni

Weary of my own soul

They say that I am good
Religiously inclined
Only if they knew
The tears that I cried,
My lonely nights and nightmares
Weary of my soul
Can't enjoy company
Being alone is killing me.
The end of me is her
So when she stopped seeing me
My life took a halt
Couldn't pay attention to the present
Without feeling pain.
Regretting my past self
But I think I'm on the mend
Still to her will I bend
My thinking to her beauty tends.
Memories comes like a flood
Of what we use to do,
Here I sit alone
She is happy with another
But I bless them both
Jesus taught me not to curse.
If I kept a drink
I'll be drunk through the day
Sleep my nights away
I was told not to wish my time away.
I let the devil tempt me
I think I've lost my citizenship in heaven.

K.Oni

Miscellanies 99: there is something more bitter than death

There is something more bitter than death: the woman whose heart is a trap to capture men by enslaving them to her love. First she glances at them and calls them by name, knowing full well that they are to be her pray. Then she entices them with kisses from her lips and at last brings them into her chamber of death. She makes them promises until their heart is full with her love, then like Ehud, thrust the dagger into their belly. The righteous man escapes such a snare but the sinner is taken in by her.

K.Oni

I need your friendship

I need your friendship
Though you marry ten thousand men through the ages
All is well as long as I am not forsaken;
And once in a while
Let me hear your voice
That charms my heart in all seasons.
Let me gaze a little on the prettiest face on earth -
Indeed I am besotted, all the world should know
That I am lost in your wonder
In your sweet delight.
My friend, I think no more than that
No reason to beware of a secret passion
Or of private prayers praying for his demise!

K.Oni

I knew a sad boy who was always rejected

I knew a boy who came one night and fell at my feet. He almost cried the night away. I asked him what was wrong and he said:

"Sir, all my life I have been rejected. My parents gave me up for adoption when I was born and none would take me except this lady who lived not too far from here. But as I grew up, I saw that she hated me and soon learned that she took me in because the stat was giving her some money. She never loved me and last night she said to me, that each day she prayed that I perish. O the misery sir but that is not the worst of it. For there is one girl whom I loved with all of my heart because all of my life I have felt alone. But then she came along and for the first time I had a friend who filled the emptiness in my heart. She was angelic, golden and tasteful. I loved her dearly and believed entirely that she cared for me. Alas, she too was using me and never cared for me. Last night she unloaded on me how I was nothing but trash and that she had been using me because she felt lonely and bitter. I was always a dark moon to her. Then she told me that a man has come into her life with great sunshine, a sunshine that I could never have and then spat in my face. Dear Sir I cried and I am crying still! Help me do away with this heaviness that dwells in my belly. I cannot eat nor sleep. I am truly a child of rejection. Even the world rejects me. If this feeling continues I fear dear Sir that I should do away with myself and enter the realm of forgetfulness."

I looked at the boy with pity and told him that although the world rejects you, Christ and I welcome you. I told him to stay with me until his health his good and his heart recovers; but he fell down at my feet and wished that he was already dead on the  account of her.

K.Oni

Miscellanies 98: Say what I mean

I must by all means say what I mean – I must when I am with others declare my intention and live life to the glory of God. I have in the past been too shy with all things. I have so far with nothing lay hold with that burning zeal inside of me that could burn a hole forest to ashes. I have seen it from all eyes and thus many have thought me too laid back with no ambition or eagerness to better myself or change the world. I do! But perhaps the waves of life has washed me to the shore of despondency and misery culminating in my detachment from the world; preferring my own comfort where I have no comfort.

K.Oni

My all

Here I am

Hung on a woman's love!

She heeds me not

Thus sorrowful I be -

Leaning on the edge of despair,

Where I should have long

Dislodged my hope from her bow,

And dearly clung to Christ,

That never forsaking friend!

She laughs and gathers strength

I mourn and fainter grow

Each day as the noon appears and the sun fades.

I beat my chest

And in my darkness rest,

Locking my soul from all souls

That is not her -

Foolishness!

Christ is my alliance

My All in all!

K.Oni

Are you expecting God to follow you

Are you following God or are you expecting God to follow you?

This is a soul searching question. Examine yourself this moment and ask, Am I following Jesus or am I expecting him to follow me?

That is am I bending to his will or do I just want him to bend to my will.

I know that at times in my walk with the Lord, when I pray that I am so moved by something, a good desire that I forget to say, dear sweet loving God of mine, who loves me dearly, let your will be done in this so and so case and rest in that. Yes rest in his sweet love for me that all things that befalls me is for my good and his glory.

But this does not exclude wrestling with God like Jacob who would not let go of God until God blesses him. He fought hard with God and God blessed him. At other times we may wrestle with God and God may not give us the outcome of our desires but say tenderly to us,  'follow me.'

Will you follow in that hour or will you still expect God to follow you?

By not getting what you want will you depart from God or will you in quiet submissiveness say with Jesus, 'not my will, but yours be done.'

Are you expecting God to follow you?

K.Oni

The Joy of confession - My heart aches

There was a boy who came to me late last night with this depressing poem. A feeling I understand too well. I counselled him pointing him to the love of Christ which never fails but it did him no good. His whole disposition was awful, reeking of misery and despair. I prayed for him remembering well the time of my misery and how God had used such a rejection to awaken me from my slumber to seeking first his kingdom. That whole episode resulted in me taking up the cross never to look back towards Egypt.


Suddenly she turned cold
the harshness is killing me
Taken as an enemy
Her feelings stone cold.
I understand the cruelty
To move on she abandons me
I am praying without hope.
Relentless tears, sleepless nights
Daylight aches
My heart breaks.

K.oni

The writings of Sunny Caane: Your weak friend

Dear Sunny

I feel down in myself, feeling like the worst person to have ever lived. My sins are ever before me, my unworthiness constantly present before my eyes. I cannot look at others without feeling disappointed with myself. What a great failure I am. I have failed in life and in love. I am but a wretch, a dung on the surface of this earth.  I am vile and all things mean. It hurts me to think that I have been the cause of pain to others, especially to her of whom my heart aches,

Goodbye Sunny, please write soon! I need a friend.

Your weak friend
Mathias

K.Oni

The writings of Sunny Caane: Sobbing and sorrowing

Dear Sunny,

It is unwell with me my friend. The darkness has finally settled upon me. The news of her engagement has saddened me beyond despair. The light of life blown out of my heart by her rejecting me forever. O I wish that I could move beyond her shores and be happy; but it is to my misery that I am forever stuck in her love. O this detestable pain. It haunts me every waking hour and that is for almost every hour of the day for sleep forsakes my eyes. I cannot sleep. There is always a constant heaviness in my stomach. O the misery; this forlorn darkness that exhibits itself in the isolation of my soul. I am alone in this land and you are so far away dear Sunny that the only thing I can do to escape this awful loneliness is to go into the wild and taunt the bear so that he would brutally attack me. I know all too well what you will say. But I have tried the wine, the drunken nights, the orgies, even so attempted to build genuine love with a virgin of the purest kind. But each time I see her, I see her and all my misery returns drenching my soul in the awfullest of sorrows. O Sunny, woe is me. Time will not heal me only death can subscribe my sure release from this agony. Love has forsaken me and she careth not. she is in her bliss enjoying the light of day and I, sobbing, sorrowing. Before you receive this letter, it may be that I have gone to sleep forever. Do not come for me Sunny. If you are to see me again it is I who will find you or else I'll see you in the life after.

Your childhood friend

David

K.Oni

Miscellanies 97: One day Jesus will say to all of your sorrows, be still

The waves and wind still knows his voice who ruled them while he dwelt below. They still know his name. His name is Jesus. One day Jesus will say to all of your sorrows, despair and misery be still, trouble him no more. All your heartaches will disappear forever never to haunt you again. Until then it is well with your soul. Keep the faith and trust him. If that is a difficult thing for you to do then cry and say, Lord Jesus I believe; help my unbelief.

K.Oni

How Should Christians Handle Besetting Sins?

One of the great Christian classics is a devotional booklet written by Saint Thomas à Kempis called The Imitation of Christ. In that book he talks about the struggle that so many Christians have with habits that are sinful. He says that the struggle for sanctification is often so difficult and the victories that we achieve seem to be so few and far between, that even in the lives of the greatest saints, there were few who were able to overcome habitual patterns. We’re talking about people who overeat and have these kinds of temptations, not those who are enslaved to gross and heinous sin. Now Thomas à Kempis’s words are not sacred Scripture, but he gives us wisdom from the life of a great saint.

The author of Hebrews says that we are called to resist the sin that so easily besets us and that we are admonished and exhorted simply to try harder to overcome these sins. You say, How do we escape these pockets of sin that we have such great struggles with, that we have an honest and heartfelt desire not to commit? If the desire not to do it is really honest and penetrates the heart, we’re 90 percent home. In fact, we shouldn’t be locked into something. The reason we continue with these pockets of repeated sins is because we have a heartfelt desire to continue them, not because we have a heartfelt desire to stop them. I wonder how honest our commitment is to quit. There’s a tendency for us to kid ourselves about this anytime we embrace a pet sin. We need to face the fact that we commit the sin because we want to do that sin more than we want to obey Christ at that moment. That doesn’t mean that we have no desire to escape from it, but the level of our desire vacillates. It’s easy to go on a diet after a banquet; it’s hard to stay on a diet if you haven’t eaten all day. That’s what happens particularly with habitual sins that involve physical or sensual appetites. The ebb and flow of the desire is augmented and diminished. It increases and fades. Our resolve to repent is great when our appetites have been satiated, but when they’re not, we have a growing attraction to practice whatever the particular sins may be.

I think what we have to do is first of all be honest about the fact that we really have a conflict of interest between what we want to do and what God wants us to do. I think we have to feed our souls with the Word of God so that we can get what God wants us to do clear in our mind and then build a strong desire to obey.

FROM R.C. Sproul Jun 03, 2016 Category: Articles  

http://www.ligonier.org/blog/how-should-christians-handle-besetting-sins/

Me Myself And I Missing you

A new song called Me myself and I missing you

listen on soundcloud https://soundcloud.com/kehinde-oni/me-myself-and-i-missing-you

K.Oni

Miscellanies 96: Early morning I rise to pray

Early morning I rise to pray; it is the first duty of my soul. To worship God and seek his face to help me face this present-day. I start with repentance for I know that I am a sinful soul, yet justified made righteous through the life and death of Christ, my King and eternal Lord. Then I thank him for such sweet mercies, and how glad I am that his grace is enough for me each day. Then back to sleep or onto something else but not before I tell him my heart. I am weak and weary, I have many faults; sometimes I wish to go away. I lament and cry to him but rest in his divine sovereignty. He is for me and for my good, this day let me glorify you.

K.Oni

Miscellanies 95 - To watch my heart

For a while I believe that I have not kept a strict and constant watch over my own heart. Hence I believe that I am in this present misery, this darkness for I have fallen into the tempting, charming and dangerous snares of this world. O that now when I lift my voice to pray my sins are before me. Help me dear Lord out of my poor condition. Let me see the beauty of your grace! O to watch my heart and cease from straying. What a Jubilee when I will embrace Christ and rest in him as the end of all my joy and happiness. This I know to be true but may my life reflect it. This narrow path is hard. May I no longer loiter on my heavenly journey – may I forever kiss Egypt goodbye! 

K.Oni

A clinching proof of my despair

I suffer deep in the coldness of my heart
The everlasting misery of my present
A clinching proof of my despair!
Concrete confused glance
The gaze of my near demise
If this stinging darkness does not lift
A clinching proof of my despair!

K.Oni

My nights are lived alone

Now in my misery, forsaken by humanity.
My nights are lived alone
Whilst the stars have too many company.
Is it because I choose to stay inside
When wild nature beckons me?
I am cursed, scarred from past rejections,
Unworthy I, undeserving of kind humanity?
My misery haunts, eats away
Until I think death is all I need.
My nights are lived alone
My hollowed heart beyond repair.
Despairing all alone,
Chained inside the awkwardness of my soul.

K.Oni

Miscellanies 94

The Lord is my happiness, that great king of love who came down into the shadows, defeating the darkness of my existence, kissing me and enfolding me with the light of his life. But how often have I forsaken him! Neglected him! Woe is me. O woe is me!

King of glory, the king of everlasting grace. How glad I am that you have forgiving me - that you have excused my sins with the blood of your life - O sweet blood of Jesus that washes away my sins and justifies me. Sweet blood of Christ!

God expects holiness from us whilst we are here on earth.

God expects holiness from us whilst we are here on earth. For our Lord Jesus said 'be holy as your father in heaven is holy.' But how many Christians eschew this sweet delighting duty! Many I say for the many have not seen holiness as a ravishing delight.

It is exceedingly sweet as Jonathan Edwards writes:

                Holiness is a most beautiful, lovely thing. Men are apt to drink in strange notions of        holiness from their childhood, as if it were a melancholy, morose, sour, and unpleasant thing: but there is nothing in it but what is sweet and ravishingly lovely... It is a divine beauty.

Indeed too many Christians have drank strange notions of holiness from their childhood and too many from the pulpits. O how often is the love of God pitted against his holiness as if holiness is an unloving thing, the stern side of God that makes him a kill joy.

It is the very opposite! God is set apart from us, from every being by his holiness namely that he has none of those qualities, yea those ugly qualities found in us. 

So God calls us to walk in holiness here on earth so that we may experience the sweetness and happiness of life that comes from a pure heart. Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God. They shall see the radiance of God, the beauty of God, the essence of God and the loveliness of God. 

Our hearts shall be ravished with heavenly joy when we choose to forsake our sins and live each day in holiness. And this daily holiness looks like love, joy, gentleness, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness and so on. Against such things there is no law!

K.Oni

I got my head down

My new track called I got my head down

https://soundcloud.com/kehinde-oni/i-got-my-head-down

Have a listen and tell me what you think.

Its not professionally recorded so not the best of sounds but ok nonetheless.

K.Oni

He has come for me

My Jesus, the Lord of all
Heaven's darling, the Father's Joy.
He lives, He reigns supreme
One day He will come for me!

When sicknes becomes my lot
I will not mourn noŕ despair
I will rejoice, I will be glad
I know He comes for me.

On that day when death kisses me
My King has sent an angel for me
In love and eagerness my Jesus awaits me
He has come for me.

K.oni

He is my all

I take my cross and follow Jesus, that is I lay down my life and everything that hinders and follow Jesus wholeheartedly.

He is my all and everything because he gave up his life for me.

He is my blessed saviour, my eternal sunshine, my beloved, my dream, my reality!

O sweet eyes he looks me with, such heavenly stare when he gazes upon me, such heartfelt passion. O he is my desire, the everlasting joy of my soul. I love him dearer than anything in this world.

Mother, you are nothing to me compared to Christ, My Child you are nothing to me compared to Christ! He is all that my wife could never be! I forsake all for him. Life begone, death come quickly if this is what my Christ wants for me. He is always about my good and my happiness. May I always be about your good sweet Jesus!

Your burden is light like the fading evening light on the eyes. My hope built on nothing else, on nothing less than you, my beloved Jesus the Lord of all.

K.Oni

Your troubles are like my own

Your troubles are like my own

The night is long the day won't sleep

I pray for me I pray for you

I pay my tithes I pay yours too.

Open your eyes or I'll close mine too

Dream away I'll dream for you

See, my death is long overdue

Worn out, I'm worn for you.

A very sad poem touching on the misery of a man who has lost his dear wife. He continues to live on for her in a way that is very much in the deep grieving stage. He cannot move on from this. Instead of moving on, embracing her death and celebrating her life, he chooses to try to live for her in a way that humans arn't meant to live for the dead.

Also this is about carrying another's burden, having deep empathy as suggested by the first stanza. 

Kenu and Asha 2

Asha: I do see clearly my beloved Kenu - I see amazingly! If ever two were to become one, surely we. Surly she is my burning zeal in this fleeting life; no waters can quench my desire. It is lifted up to heaven itself, no, gone beyond to the place where all colors meet their rest!

Kenu: My sweet Asha, I wish to see as you see. I would give both my hands to have your eyes and heart. Then blessed contemplation on a woman would be mine. The sword is heavy on my heart - the ways of war are forged in my soul. I would soon sleep on a rock than on a flower. I would soon swim than fly. I wish your ways were understandable to the steel of my soul - but yet I love thee as a sword in wax, rust free!

Asha: O you do do me kindness with you choral voice. Deeper than many waters it gushes into the cheery creeks of my soul! But the celestial chase is mine and until her lips embraces mine, in chastity I bind my humanity. War to me is not a bygone word, it is nearer me than you think! You fight with swords I fight my thoughts with thoughts of hope.

K.Oni

Come quickly to me and remove my darkness

My good Lord, ever glorious and right.
You are the light removing all darkness,
Come quickly to me and remove my darkness.
Put your ways in me - let me walk in your righteousness!

The world is away, away from thee!
She has travelled her own path, neglecting thee!
O lord may I not be among her,
May I always be found on your path.

Search me Lord,
There are many wicked ways in me.
I sigh in shame - My head is buried in my palms.
Burn away my wicked ways and fill them with righteousness.
Let it be that I seek thee and thee alone!

For I starve and it is all of my own doing
I have neglected thee and thus have become filled with all unrighteousness.
But you have won me, and to this day have kept me.

You are ever sweet!

K.Oni

The Lord is ever kind to me, forever Loving!

The Lord is ever kind to me, forever Loving!

He leads me in pastures green,; sits me beneath the tree of righteousness.

He is ever tender, forever patient with my ways.

He is all lovely, forever sweet and loving!

He is my God, my eternal lover; He is my King, the darling of my soul.

Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord

Blessed is my Christ, the king of glory!

I love Him, but He loves me more

He provides everything that I ever need.

O for that day to hasten when I shall be in glorious white

And He shall stand outshining all lights, O how wonderful!

And we shall be forever - our forever knowing no end!

I love thee but not enough

O how I wish that this could be the sole desire of my heart, namely to seek only Christ! To forsake all other desires and make Christ my only desire.

O that my head and heart will bow to Christ and forsake all idolatry. How my heart should be exceedingly happy, rejoicing forever!

Help me O Lord my Rock. In you I take refuge. I love thee but not enough.

Help me walk in your ways. Teach me to resist. Deliver me from the evil one!

O how I wish to be taken from this world so that I no longer dwell with sin. It is better to be with you but I submit to your ways for you want me here.

Blessed be thy name!

K.Oni

Fall

Here I stand, bewildered by life.
I fear my greener moments have passed,
The long sunshine, ceased!

Here I am, in this moment of puffing rust
Sagacity eroded,
Dusty death my daily breath!

Here I go, to a surer shore,
Joy like sunshine is far abroad,
Fall and flash, heaven begun!

I knew a sad boy who lived his life defeated.

I knew a sad boy who lived his life defeated. His head and heart were always down. I asked him why he lived this way and he told me:

"Good sir, I am defeated! Unrequited love has defeated me. She has subdued me, that now all my passion for life is dead! I have in my heart this constant ache, this uneasiness in my stomach. Because of this I feel worthless, and this feeling of worthlessness leads to my uselessness. Oh pity me sir! I have drowned in her love, that love which shall never kiss me back.

I am lost in the terror of the black night. I cannot sleep! She is happy which cannot make me happy because it is not with me. O how cruel is fate! I wish we never met. I wish I never was. I wish I slept with yesterday for yesterday never wakes. O help me sir!"

"Poor boy, I can only help if you will heed my counsel."

But his ears were deaf to all voices save hers. In the end he departed in the same condition that he came in. I advised him to come by each day but I fear his agony may become too much for him.

Kenu and Asha

Asha: Where do the lines of sorrow go? I know not save that if one follows her path, they will end up at despair!

Kenu: What is she to you, my beloved?

Asha: She is my emmanating sunshine, the beauty I cannot over look, or see beyond. She is the end of everything to me, my feelings flow from her river. Out of her I am unhappy, but this is the reason for my present ruin!

No fellowship so enliveling, riveting, and wonderful as hers. O, help me my sweet friend, for if I continue on her path I shall soon be dead!

Kenu: Speak not so severely, my beautiful one. You are in a cloud;when you are out of this fog you shall see clearly.

K.oni

I knew a sad boy: my despair is permanent

I knew a sad boy who said to me,
"Sir, I do believe that my despair will be permanent. Perhaps your sun bright light of hope will carry me home. That is to heaven, to leave here, to leave this ever present darkness in my heart."

He said this with the most uncomfortable smile. I pitied the boy but could not help him at all, only to sit with him and pray.

K.oni

I aim to show loveliness to all people

I aim to show loveliness towards all people - to treat all with lavish kindness and unleash on them generous love as it is appropiate. My disposition will be to seek their interest in as much as it accords with the words of God. I will always have about me a genuine spirit with an attitude of care. All my words will be edifying, constructivie and truthful.

K.oni

Beauty had a face

Beauty had a face,
But beauty did not have a name.
She was the topic of the town,
All day and all night, she was the discourse of all their minds!

One day, one very good and lovely day
A man came to the city and sat in the public square.

"Come here all you that have beauty in your mind
Come near. I have come for my property!" So the man declared.

The major of the town happened to be in the square that day.
He was a fat man
A large man, a bearded man
A good man!

"In what way is she your property?" Askedthe mayor.

"It was I who made her!" Replied the man........

I want to be the best Christian of my generation

As a teenager, Jonathan Edwards wrote down a list of resolutions that he was going to live by. He wanted his life to glorify God so that at the end of his life he would have no regrets. Edwards wrote 70 resolutions and he purposed each week to re-read his resolutions so that he abides by them.

Edwards wanted to be the best Christian of his generation which I find admirable and something that each of us should pursue. We should all aim to be the best christian in our generation. And if you think that this is a prideful ambition then go and be the worst Christian in your generation.

Edwards write:

Resolution 63: On the supposition, that there never was to be but one individual in the world, at any one time, who was properly a complete Christian, in all respects of a right stamp, having Christianity always shining in its true luster, and appearing excellent and lovely, from whatever part and under whatever character viewed: Resolved, to act just as I would do, if I strove with all my might to be that one, who should live in my time. Jan. 14 and July 3, 1723.

K.Oni

My Lord is Good

My Lord is Good
Eternally glorious.
He is wonderfully Holy
Beautifully enjoyable.
I Love my Lord
But I fail daily in my love.
He never fails!

Oh my Soul, Sonship forgotten
Yet not forsaken.
Now, Sonship not enjoying
Because with orphaned sin I play.

Oh Lord, now I bid sin goodbye
and come to Eden's stream
Resting with Holy Pleasure,
Holding Righteousness by the hand.

Peace will lead my way
Though troubles follows close behind,
I'll shade under the tree of life
Leaning on His good understanding.

K.Oni